Let's welcome Carolyn diPasquale who's on a WOW! Women on Writing tour with her new memoir, Reckless Grace: A Mother's Crash Course in Mental Illness. And Carolyn has generously written an essay for us about whether women can age with grace. Here's Carolyn: Can Women Age with Grace? “Your hair is so attractive. What color do you use?” a woman standing behind me in Dunkin’ Donuts asked when I was in my early forties. “Thank you,” I smiled, “but I don’t color my hair. This is natural.” Her eyes grew. “Really?” My takeaway from that exchange was that I looked old: My hair didn’t match my face. When I was in my fifties, portly silver-haired gents started checking me out. This took me aback as I used to attract the hotties. It also proved that brunette hair or not I was looking my age. My mind might have sidestepped these gentle cues. At sixty and still without one gray, I was waiting in line at a phlebotomy clinic when an elderly woman shuffled in. I let the white-haired, … [Read more...]
Aging fears and prejudices
The prompt at my writing group last week was to write about our fears and prejudices regarding aging. Look at what happens when we have no value as sex objects. Look at the discounting of women older than we are. Here is what I wrote: The other evening I had a conversation with a friend about aging and how aging women are treated these days. This woman and I are the same age – born in the same year – and we’re both pretty fit for being eighty-one, since we both exercise every day and have been exercising regularly since we were thirty-six. I started walking every morning on March 23, 2020 – the day my gym closed because of COVID and have not missed a day since. We are both, I’d say, not too bad looking since the wrinkles and sags haven’t taken over our faces yet, and, most importantly, have all our faculties. We can have a coherent conversation on most subjects. In those respects I find myself pretty lucky. I also feel lucky since I’m still writing – I write a short poem … [Read more...]
What do I see for the future
This is another possible chapter that I’ve written for my new memoir about aging successfully. Again, I’d love to know what you think. Would a memoir with these kinds of thoughts and information interest you? I’m optimistic. I think Bob is caring about his body more. He’s gotten himself some pills which he thinks will help him get stronger and more in balance. I think his willingness to do something about his state of health is a good thing. I just wish he’d eliminate sugar and cut down on his alcohol intake. But I wouldn’t say that to him. Also, he’s committed to personal training once a week, spending another hour or so at the gym on another day of the week, and walking several times a week. That’s all good. We walked the other day and he’s definitely moving better and seems less wobbly. I think the illnesses of some of our friends have gotten his attention. They’ve certainly gotten my attention. I used to say I’d probably be ready to give up my health program as I got … [Read more...]
How I spend my time
I’ve been working on a new memoir for the past year or so about aging successfully. One chapter is like this one about how I spend my time. So I’d like to try my thoughts out on you. Would you be interested in a memoir with information like this? I spend a lot of my time at my desk in my writing room. I d write a lot but I must make a true confession – I also spend a lot of time on the internet and on social media because I have a great relationship with my Facebook community. This morning I got out of bed at five forty-five, went off to the bathroom, got on the scale after shedding my pajamas, and then I dressed in my leggings and shirt to go to the gym. Once there, I vary my workouts. Lately I stay on the elliptical for about thirty-five minutes and then walk on the treadmill for twenty-five to give me a full hour of cardio and about nine-five hundred steps. I am truly obsessed, probably motivated by my Fitbit, with getting at least twelve thousand steps every day. After … [Read more...]
Why I Write and What I Write
I wrote the article below for the Southern Writer’s Magazine’s Blog a few months ago. It is still very relevant now. Why I Write and What I Write At this point in my life by all rights I should be retired. I’ve just turned seventy-nine, and no where does it say I need to keep sitting at my computer every day and write. But I do sit there – usually from ten in the morning until about two in the afternoon. Sometimes I’ll even go back for more later in the day. I got into this habit in the early 2000s when I started writing my memoir, Leaving the Hall Light On (Dream of Things). That expanded to writing poetry, essays for my blog and other people’s websites, and journaling. By the time my memoir was published in 2011, I was already working on my historical novel, Papa’s Shoes, which has just been released by Aberdeen Bay publishers. And that’s not the end of it. I still write poetry – I write at least one poem a week except in November and April when I write a poem a day to … [Read more...]
Thoughts about my new memoir
As my husband is about to turn eighty-two and I am closing in at age turning seventy-nine this year, I felt that I’m at that stage in my life when I have almost all of it to look back on. That thought led me to the idea of writing a memoir from an old wise woman’s approach to turning eighty. I could write about the secrets of staying married to the same man for over forty-eight years and living in the same house for thirty-nine years. Really where have all those years gone? And really that brings up another big question – how much time do my husband and I have left anyway, and what are we doing to prepare for our last years? Or better yet, how we’re handling our lives right now as we age – at different paces. Yes, the options are endless: how we’re still working at surviving the loss of our son in 1999, what we eat, how we sleep, my health and exercise program, about our travels, and what do two people at our age do all day. I've gotten a good head start on this project and have … [Read more...]
What’s happening?
Isn’t it funny how some of us start conversations with people these days with this question: “What’s Happening?” And then the poor person being asked the question is in the hot seat having to come up with a quick and meaningful answer. Well, my answer today is: writing is happening in my life. I feel like I’ve been at my computer these last few days since the new year and even before the holidays, almost non-stop. And that’s a good thing. I gotten myself back into writing small stones, which are a couple of lines about anything. This month I started writing one every day, concentrating on a theme that has to do with something I observe in nature. By the way, I’ve written small stones for years, but recently took a break from them. I’m glad to be back. There’s a Facebook group in case you’re interested in joining in. This month they’re called January resolutions – the name changes every month. My main project, however, is my new memoir about aging. I wrote a list of thirty topics … [Read more...]
What’s next to write?
Now that my novel is going through a final professional edit and hopefully getting ready to shop around. I’ve been thinking about what’s next for my writing life. For a long time, I’ve thought that there isn’t another book in me, but now I’m not so sure. Could I write another memoir? I’m at that stage in my life when I have almost all of it to look back on, so I could write a memoir from an old wise woman’s approach to turning eighty. I could write about the secrets of staying married to the same man for over forty-eight years and living in the same house for thirty-nine years. Really where have all those years gone? And really that brings up another big question – how much time do my husband and I have left anyway, and what are we doing to prepare for our last years? Or better yet, how we’re handling our lives right now as we age – at different paces. Yes, another memoir or even two are a real possibility. The options are endless: how we're still working at surviving the loss of … [Read more...]
We don’t have to slow down in our old age
My dear friend Pat sent these photos to me, and I had to share. I feel fit for my age, but these folks are incredible - and such wonderful inspirations. … [Read more...]
It’s never too late for second chances
I've known my friend Pat since the first day our younger son, Ben, walked into his Kindergarten class. Pat was there to drop off her oldest son, Andy, while wheeling her daughter in a stroller. She was young and trim in her white tennis outfit. Though Ben probably had the oldest mother of all his classmates, it didn't matter. Pat and I became close dear friends as did Ben and Andy. We lived around the corner, we had dinner at each other's houses, we celebrated birthdays and special occasions together, and we spent weekends up at her family's house and/or condo in Bishop and Mammoth Lakes. Though I played tennis too in those days, I never played at Pat's level. But our boys took tennis lessons and played in tournaments together with Pat and me on the sidelines. Ben and Andy - tournament winners Pat and Madeline at the tournament Unfortunately, things weren't always happy in the house around the corner, and after Pat's third child married, she decided to end her … [Read more...]
My role model
Here is my Aunt Helen, age 94. Isn't she beautiful? She's always been my role model. I love her energy and her calm demeanor. And in her youth she looked like Hedy Lamar. Aunt Helen with two of her greats at the family wedding we attended last weekend in San Diego. … [Read more...]
What do you think?
I saw a photo of a women about my age with beautiful flowing gray hair this morning, and I felt validated for choosing to keep my hair long. As a matter of fact, I plan to tell my hair stylist to trim "just a little" at my haircut appointment this week. Seeing the picture this morning reminded me of the New York Times article by Dominique Browning that appeared on October 21, 2010. By the way, here's my latest photo - long flowing gray hair and all. Why Can't Middle-Aged Women Have Long Hair? By DOMINIQUE BROWNING MY mother hates it. My sister worries about it. My agent thinks I'm hiding behind it. A concerned friend suggests that it undermines my professional credibility. But in the middle of my life, I'm happy with it. Which is saying a lot about anything happening to my 55-year-old body. I feel great about my hair. I have long hair. I'm not talking about long enough to brush gently on my shoulder when I tilt my head. I'm not talking about being a … [Read more...]
