September is Suicide Prevention Month, and so perfectly aligned yo my son Paul’s suicide death. He left us by box cutter on September 23, 1999, twenty-three years ago. And ever since I’ve wanted to help save others from that same fate. I wrote my memoir, Leaving the Hall Light On, with that in mind, telling the story of my son and his mental illness and creativity and the long line of relatives who were also mentally ill – all signs that suicide was on his menu. I want people to be aware of the dangers and risks. I've participated in two overnight suicide prevention walks, sponsored by the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention (AFSP), and joined groups geared to getting the suicide prevention word out. This month AFSP is asking for funds to support 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline and of course trying to get folks to rally in support of suicide prevention. "About National Suicide Prevention Week "The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) recognizes the month … [Read more...]
Aging fears and prejudices
The prompt at my writing group last week was to write about our fears and prejudices regarding aging. Look at what happens when we have no value as sex objects. Look at the discounting of women older than we are. Here is what I wrote: The other evening I had a conversation with a friend about aging and how aging women are treated these days. This woman and I are the same age – born in the same year – and we’re both pretty fit for being eighty-one, since we both exercise every day and have been exercising regularly since we were thirty-six. I started walking every morning on March 23, 2020 – the day my gym closed because of COVID and have not missed a day since. We are both, I’d say, not too bad looking since the wrinkles and sags haven’t taken over our faces yet, and, most importantly, have all our faculties. We can have a coherent conversation on most subjects. In those respects I find myself pretty lucky. I also feel lucky since I’m still writing – I write a short poem … [Read more...]
Remembering Paul – again!
Paul's birthday was yesterday - New Years Eve. And yesterday he would have been fifty years old. To me that seems like yesterday though I'm probably no different from other mothers who remember the births of their children in vivid detail no matter how long ago they were born. Paul was only twenty-seven when he died in 1999. Here are some wonderful photos to share. … [Read more...]
Larry Kilham – thoughts on fiction vs. nonfiction
Choices is so excited to have Larry Kilham here today - the last day of his WOW! Women on Writing blog tour. His work with creativity, invention, and artificial intelligence is fascinating. Please check out his latest book, Free Will Odyssey. You won't be sorry. Larry has also written a post especially for Choices about his thoughts on writing fiction vs. non-fiction. I can relate since I've also written both. Here is what Larry Kilham has to say: Fiction vs. Nonfiction by Larry Kilham I have written about an equal number of fiction and nonfiction books. Each time I start thinking about my next book, I confront the difficult decision about which modality to use. With fiction, you are not held to a high standard about detail and truth. Writing a nonfiction book, on the other hand, about a current topic like addiction generally requires a team of researchers and a noted research institution in order to gain gravitas and establishment acceptance. Nonfiction is clearly the … [Read more...]
Seventeen years ago
Tomorrow it will be seventeen years since our son Paul died by suicide. Tomorrow my husband and I will visit his grave, leave a small stone, as we do every year on his birthday and death day. Today like all days is a time to reflect. I wrote the following poem a few years after he died. It is included in my memoir Leaving the Hall Light On: A Mother's Memoir of Living with Her Son's Bipolar Disorder and Surviving His Suicide. Yes, we have survived all these years, but the grief has never gone away. I'll Always Remember I'll always remember he slept without closing his eyes all the way I'll always remember he walked fast and way ahead of us I'll always remember he had long, thick, black eyelashes surrounding clear blue eyes I'll always remember he played the piano, legs crossed at the knees, leaning way down over the keyboard I'll always remember he liked to wear second-hand clothes and didn't mind if they were ripped I'll always remember the way he stood at the pantry … [Read more...]
Meet my guest, Tara Meissner, author of Stress Fracture
My son, a talented jazz composer and musician, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age twenty-one. As I got more and more informed about the disorder I heard that studies linked creativity with bipolar disorder, and my son's behavior seemed to indicate the studies were true. He refused to take his medications because they evened him out too much and hindered his ability to create his music. He, and I imagine others with bipolar disorder, very much liked their manic highs. However, I, like my guest today, Tara Meissner, author of Stress Fracture: A Memoir of Psychosis, never believed that all people with bipolar disorder are creative. It is also not true that all people with mental illness are violent, as so many people believe. Thank you Tara Meissner for being at Choices while on your WOW! Women on Writing book tour. I'm so glad you are here to share your views and bipolar experience with us. Being open about this disorder will go a long way to help erase stigma. Bipolar and … [Read more...]
What are you grateful for?
My blogging friend, Pam Young, wrote down her list of things she's grateful for, and I decided to copy her. This is the season to think about such things. Gratitude has been on my mind a lot lately - especially since my husband Bob of 42 years seems to be experiencing a lot a pain in his hip, and I worry about him. I don't want anything bad to happen to him, and I'm trying to be positive that nothing will. Our marriage and our friendship is something I am very grateful for. Here's my list - at least so far: My good health and healthy life style of a good diet and lots of exercise My happy marriage My wonderful son and daughter-in-law That I can continue to write and work toward ending the stigma of mental illness and preventing suicide Many loving friends and family members That I can still workout or take a walk every day of the week That I live in what I think is the most beautiful place in the world only 10-minutes from the beach That we live comfortably … [Read more...]
