When my son Paul died in 1999 at age twenty-seven, I took the advice of several people to see a therapist. The one I chose to see led a survivors of suicide support group sponsored by the Didi Hirsch Mental Health center. The group met once a week for six weeks and consisted of people who had lost friends, loved ones, and acquaintances to suicide. There was one other mother in the group who also lost a son – she found his body hanging from their second floor stair well. She hated the group as much as I did and was brave enough to quit after two or three sessions. I lasted the whole six weeks. But after I went to a private session with the leader – who finally admitted to me that she didn’t lose anyone one she loved to suicide, I quit her too. I made up my mind not to see anyone who had not experienced the kind of loss I was going through. That’s when I turned to writing. Four months after Paul died I began going to Jack Grapes’ writing class. I went every Wednesday morning and … [Read more...]
Children’s poet Raven Howell is with us today!
Thank you for joining Raven Howell's WOW! Women of Writing tour of Santa’s Slip Up about when Santa shows up on Halloween on accident. In addition Ravel has written us a special essay on how to write rhyming poetry. As a poet who never writes in rhyme, this Choices author needs this lesson in rhyme very badly. Here's Raven: Tricks of the Trade to Writing Rhyme By Raven Howell So how about that iambic tetrameter? Ha! Nothing like scaring off a prospective poet or young author who is trying to learn the ins and outs of rhyming. Writing rhyme should be fun and you don’t want to start off intimidated. There are many ways to accomplish good rhyme. I recited rhyme before I learned to write it, and remember being surrounded by word books and rhyming stories during my childhood years. When I learned to write, my favorite thing to do was to make up my own poems, stories, rhymes, and plays. I’ve been writing professionally full time for the … [Read more...]
Real life stories about letting life lead
Please welcome Kate Brenton on her WOW! Women on Writing tour of her first book, Rebirth. A brief summary tells us that when life is calling, often we need only the space and the support to remember our way. Sometimes we lean into our expansion, and sometimes we bolt from our greatness. The biggest shock is that big change happens in small choices. In Rebirth you will find real-life stories of people who made courageous leaps that will inspire you to make your own. It’s time to step out of line and back into the spiral of life—that’s where the alchemy is. This book fits right into the side pocket of your bag and your life to inspire you as you read others’ stories of how they listened and learned to make embodied changes in their own lives. Publisher: Inspirebytes Omni Media ISBN-10: 1953445261 ISBN-13: 978-1953445261 ASIN: B0B3V3JQT7 Print length: 278 pages Kate also shares her thoughts on mothering while working as a writer: Mothering, Writing, and Working in … [Read more...]
Aging fears and prejudices
The prompt at my writing group last week was to write about our fears and prejudices regarding aging. Look at what happens when we have no value as sex objects. Look at the discounting of women older than we are. Here is what I wrote: The other evening I had a conversation with a friend about aging and how aging women are treated these days. This woman and I are the same age – born in the same year – and we’re both pretty fit for being eighty-one, since we both exercise every day and have been exercising regularly since we were thirty-six. I started walking every morning on March 23, 2020 – the day my gym closed because of COVID and have not missed a day since. We are both, I’d say, not too bad looking since the wrinkles and sags haven’t taken over our faces yet, and, most importantly, have all our faculties. We can have a coherent conversation on most subjects. In those respects I find myself pretty lucky. I also feel lucky since I’m still writing – I write a short poem … [Read more...]
What do I do all day?
People keep asking me what I do all day. They want to know how this new widow spends her time and deals with her loss. Well, first of all I hate the “widow” word. Isn’t there something else we could call a woman whose husband has died? Well, I suppose not. Plus, I really have other things to do than worry about a word or two. Like continuing to work on all the financial records and documents my husband left me to sort out. And bear in mind I was never a party to anything financial going on during our fifty-year marriage. He was the math guy. He called me innumerate. Even so, I have changed over all the accounts to my name and closed some I don’t want to deal with. I’ve also cancelled a couple of credit card accounts. Right now though, I’m looking through our home improvement records so when and if it comes time to sell my house, I can have write-offs to offset the thousands in taxes I’ll owe. Also, I still am writing. Since last February I’ve been writing a poem a day - … [Read more...]
Living with grief
I've lived alone now for over three months. first while my husband was in the hospital and then after his death on November 22, 2020. And I have to say living alone is a lonely business. I don't find anything to redeem it. And it's made much worse these days because of the COVID shut down. There is no socializing with friends and family - PERIOD. Of course I've received lots of heartfelt and loving cards, phone calls, texts, and notes on social media. However, what's missing the most is a real live hug. So I've been keeping myself busy by writing - here, in my journal, and my poem a day. I've given myself those assignments to help with the grief and to produce something meaningful throughout this time. I'm also spending a lot of time doing all the things a person has to do when a spouse dies. Coincidentally, the LA Times had an article about it just today. Here's some of the things I've been doing: Call social security about survivor benefits Cancel his health … [Read more...]
Thinking about becoming a ghostwriter?
Our Choices guest today is Jann Baylon. She writes about ways to make money as a writer by being a ghostwriter - a very inspiring occupation. I worked as a technical writer and editor for most of my writing life. That is another fine source of income for a writer. Now let's read what Jann has to say about ghostwriting. Becoming a Successful Ghostwriter by Jann Baylon Image Credit: Pixabay Once upon a time, there was a common narrative that writers couldn’t easily make a living. The idea was that an audience was simply too hard to come by for all but the most successful writers — those with major book deals, or notable columns in newspapers and magazines. It’s still true today that writing is only lucrative for a small percentage of highly successful (and often lucky) individuals. But this is true in many lines of work. And looking past the idea of significant wealth, it is now the case that plenty of writers find ways to make good money. This is largely thanks … [Read more...]
It’s hard to live after death
For the last several months I’ve written a little poem every day. Something that would take no more than ten minutes to compose. I’ve kept that up even through out my husband Bob’s illness and in the days since he died. Writing, as you probably know, keeps me alive. It lets me put my pain on the page. Here are a few of my most recent poems written since Bob died. I don’t know how I am managing To walk, to live in this house To even breathe My husband of over fifty years Died last night. He just stopped breathing And thinking And talking And eating and walking He just stopped all the things That one does to live. He was done with all that He left me alone To find a way to live without him To learn to walk again Without him. And I wonder If I’ll ever be able To do that unless he’s By my side. I decided not To see him dead, Which meant I couldn’t touch him One last time. I had seen him The day before he died During a FaceTime … [Read more...]
A terrific voting poem
I took writing classes from Jack Grapes for many years. I wrote much of my memoir Leaving the Hall Light On there. And still I go to an occasional workshop or poetry refresher. Jack has always been my favorite writing instructor. And he is a wonderful writer and actor as well. I received the following poem in an email the other day and feel it's very much worth sharing with my readers here. It validates the importance of voting and now that we finally know the results, it confirms how voting is a power we must not throw away. I voted. I hope all of you did too. Hopefully you feel as happy with the presidential election results as I do. Here's Jack. Lori and I voted yesterday. We got to our local polling place at 9am, an hour before they opened. That great art-deco building, the Saban Theater, on Wilshire Blvd. Got a parking spot directly in FRONT of the place. Sacre Bleau! We expected long lines. Except for the guy taping up voting directions and an American flag, … [Read more...]
What’s my coronavirus lockdown life like
The coronavirus, COVID-19, has indeed affected my life, as I’m sure it has affected yours. We’re all in it together to try to survive - helping ourselves and others to stay safe and healthy. I live with my eighty-three year old husband of almost fifty years, so his health and safety are on my mind much more than mine. He has had, over the last few years, mild pulmonary problems and is under a doctor’s care for high blood pressure. Fortunately, I don’t have any of the usual old folks’ ailments. I may be turning eighty in two months, but my body has never acted like it. So what’s my usual lockdown day like? First of all, I get up early. In the normal past I would get up before daylight and go to the gym every day. These days I wait until sunrise and then take a morning walk every day. I had until four days ago the perfect route. I would walk from my house to the beach and walk along the full length of the beach Strand. Unfortunately, the Strand and the beach are now closed, and … [Read more...]
Quarantini, anyone?
I first heard of the quarantini from Jane Fonda a couple of days ago. She’s stuck at home just like the rest of us in California (the governor’s orders) and suggested we try one. Derek Brown, author of “Spirits, Sugar, Water, Bitters: How the Cocktail Conquered the World” and owner of the Washington, DC, cocktail bar Columbia Room, says, “It’s the drink you make with what you’ve got in your cabinets or freezer, and is best enjoyed with whomever you’re cooped up with — or perhaps a neighbor in need.” And if you do have the ingredients, here’s Brown’s recipe: A Quarantini that can be made with common at-home drink ingredients. 1½ to 2 ounces of a not-necessarily-sweet base spirit, like vodka or gin — or another of your choice ¾ ounce of citrus (such as lemon or lime juice), whose vitamin C is great for immunity ½ to ¾ ounce of simple syrup to sweeten things up. (Simple syrup, as its name suggests, is simple to make. Just boil equal parts sugar and water until they … [Read more...]
What do I see for the future
This is another possible chapter that I’ve written for my new memoir about aging successfully. Again, I’d love to know what you think. Would a memoir with these kinds of thoughts and information interest you? I’m optimistic. I think Bob is caring about his body more. He’s gotten himself some pills which he thinks will help him get stronger and more in balance. I think his willingness to do something about his state of health is a good thing. I just wish he’d eliminate sugar and cut down on his alcohol intake. But I wouldn’t say that to him. Also, he’s committed to personal training once a week, spending another hour or so at the gym on another day of the week, and walking several times a week. That’s all good. We walked the other day and he’s definitely moving better and seems less wobbly. I think the illnesses of some of our friends have gotten his attention. They’ve certainly gotten my attention. I used to say I’d probably be ready to give up my health program as I got … [Read more...]
Today Sarah Dickinson tells us how to be self-aware in our writing
Today at Choices our WOW! Women On Writing book tour guest is Sarah Dickinson, author of Silver Spoons: One's Journey Through Addiction. Her book, told through letters, is an intimate and raw look at the current face of addiction and recovery. We're pleased to have Sarah here: Being Self-aware in Your Writing by Sarah Dickinson Every year there is anywhere from 600,000 to one million books published in the U.S. alone. While those numbers are indeed impressive it’s overwhelming when you consider the work and passion that goes into creating each one. Indeed, writers everywhere have an endless list of factors to consider before they can even begin their own “Once upon a time.” We could talk writing styles, technique, point of view, plot development or even character creation. Sadly, we do have to save those topics for another day. Because today, we are going to talk about being self- aware in your writing. You may ask why is being self-aware so important in writing. It … [Read more...]
How I spend my time
I’ve been working on a new memoir for the past year or so about aging successfully. One chapter is like this one about how I spend my time. So I’d like to try my thoughts out on you. Would you be interested in a memoir with information like this? I spend a lot of my time at my desk in my writing room. I d write a lot but I must make a true confession – I also spend a lot of time on the internet and on social media because I have a great relationship with my Facebook community. This morning I got out of bed at five forty-five, went off to the bathroom, got on the scale after shedding my pajamas, and then I dressed in my leggings and shirt to go to the gym. Once there, I vary my workouts. Lately I stay on the elliptical for about thirty-five minutes and then walk on the treadmill for twenty-five to give me a full hour of cardio and about nine-five hundred steps. I am truly obsessed, probably motivated by my Fitbit, with getting at least twelve thousand steps every day. After … [Read more...]
Writing in the Dominican Republic revisited
Instead of just referring to my post about Lindsay de Feliz, I've decided to copy and paste it here. That is because I learned yesterday that Lindsay was brutally attacked and murdered in her home country, the Dominican Republic. I am so saddened and shocked by this news, I just feel I have to share about the wonderful work she was doing when she was alive. I loved her memoir, What About Your Saucepans? and recommend you all read it. Plus she was such a great supporter of the work of her fellow memoir writers. Rest in peace, Lindsay. I will miss you very much. I send much love and condolences to your family. Writing in the Dominican Republic MARCH 25, 2018 BY MADELINE SHARPLES 6 COMMENTS (EDIT) I met Lindsay de Feliz, author of What About Your Saucepans? and Life After My Saucepans, through a wonderful Facebook group called We Love Memoirs, and it was instant admiration. Her story is gutsy, heroic, and so, so different from my own that I had to share it with you. When I asked … [Read more...]
What do you think about these quotes about writing?
One of my friends collects interesting quotes about writing. He sent me these the other day. He must have known I collect writing quotes as well. Though I don't agree with all of them, I'd love to hear your reactions. Please comment below. “It’s a lousy, stupid thing to do. You start out thinking people are going to admire you and love you and respect you, but really, nobody gives a shit. It’s a terrible life.” ~Nelson Algren “Writing is like prostitution. First, you do it for the love of it, then you do it for a few friends, and finally, you do it for money.” ~Moliere “If you can’t annoy somebody there is little point in writing.” ~Kingsley Amis "In him [and I'm sure today he would have added "and her"] no simple feeling exists anymore. All that he sees, his joys, his pleasures, his sufferings, his despairs, become instantaneously subjects of observation. He analyzes in spite of everything, in spite of himself, without end, hearts, faces, gestures, intonations . . … [Read more...]
Denis Ledoux’ new memoir brings sadness and pain (Part Two)
As promised, here is the second part of Denis Ledoux' guest post about memoir writing and his experience writing about his childhood. To refresh your memories about Part One, here is the link. I think all memoir writers will find the second part of his post just as fascinating and instructional. Writing more deeply If I write about them [his parents]in psychological terms, and include something about their woundedness—their earlier trajectory in life—and simply not having the information available to them—to some extent, perhaps due to lack of education and resourcefulness, perhaps due to certain romantic bent, then I am revealing something to the world that my parents may not have wanted me to reveal, to broadcast in a memoir. In writing this book which is clearly my memoir and not theirs but which includes much information about my parents, I feel that, to some extent, I am betraying them. Both my parents are gone now, and yet I have some loyalty to them. Isn’t it incumbent … [Read more...]
Thoughts about my new memoir
As my husband is about to turn eighty-two and I am closing in at age turning seventy-nine this year, I felt that I’m at that stage in my life when I have almost all of it to look back on. That thought led me to the idea of writing a memoir from an old wise woman’s approach to turning eighty. I could write about the secrets of staying married to the same man for over forty-eight years and living in the same house for thirty-nine years. Really where have all those years gone? And really that brings up another big question – how much time do my husband and I have left anyway, and what are we doing to prepare for our last years? Or better yet, how we’re handling our lives right now as we age – at different paces. Yes, the options are endless: how we’re still working at surviving the loss of our son in 1999, what we eat, how we sleep, my health and exercise program, about our travels, and what do two people at our age do all day. I've gotten a good head start on this project and have … [Read more...]