The prompt at my writing group last week was to write about our fears and prejudices regarding aging. Look at what happens when we have no value as sex objects. Look at the discounting of women older than we are.
Here is what I wrote:
The other evening I had a conversation with a friend about aging and how aging women are treated these days. This woman and I are the same age – born in the same year – and we’re both pretty fit for being eighty-one, since we both exercise every day and have been exercising regularly since we were thirty-six. I started walking every morning on March 23, 2020 – the day my gym closed because of COVID and have not missed a day since. We are both, I’d say, not too bad looking since the wrinkles and sags haven’t taken over our faces yet, and, most importantly, have all our faculties. We can have a coherent conversation on most subjects.
In those respects I find myself pretty lucky. I also feel lucky since I’m still writing – I write a short poem every morning and a journal entry before I go to bed. I also write a blog post three-four times a month though my friend posts a blog on her website every day. That is not to say I’m writing anything important – I haven’t completed any of the three memoirs I started in the last couple of years. All of them have the same theme – aging.
In the old days I was quite a forerunner at the aerospace company where I worked on and off for over thirty years. At first women were hardly recognized in the company. They didn’t hold management positions and even with college degrees were denied equal pay for equal work with the men. Through the years that gradually changed – we even in the late sixties and early seventies were allowed to wear pants if they were part of a suit.
So I felt pretty good about my career achievements when I finally retired in 2010.
Now, not so much.
Maybe it’s because I moved to a retirement community and have seen over the eight months I’ve lived here how some of the women – and men – have seemed to go downhill both physically and mentally. And I worry about that happening to me. Most of the people I’ve met here and have become friends with are older than I, and I don’t want that oldness to rub off on me.
I also don’t see any men here I would be interested in having a relationship with. The men are either taken or stooped over, my same friend likes to say. And they probably feel the same way about us. So that’s the fear. That I will never again have a relationship with a man, something I’ve missed terribly since my husband died a little over a year ago. I don’t even crave someone to have sex with – it’s been so long for me that it would probably be too painful. A little cuddling and holding would be just enough.
Having that would also help my creativity – something I’m not ready to give up on. I think a women over eighty still has lots to say and would greatly elevate the status of crones in our world. No matter how old we get, we still need too be listened to and respected.
If you’ve watched the new television series And Just Like That with the grown older group of characters from Sex and the City, you’ll see that these older women have a lot of important things to say about life and loving others and themselves as they’ve grown older and wiser.
“I don’t want that oldness to rub off on me”–worthy goal that you have reached so far. I loved reading the article after hearing you read it. I wish it weren’t so relatable. Cute picture of the grumpy old man. Mo
Thanks, Mo!
“Oldness” can’t rub off–it’s not a disease that we can catch, nor is it a substance that will rub off on us if we touch it. Aging is both a state of mind as well as body. In my opinion, how we age is no one’s business but our own. There is no one way to deal with growing older. What matters is how we feel about ourselves and how we choose to live a life that is meaningful.
Thank you for this piece. It’s interesting to read about how people age.”Oldness” can’t rub off–it’s not a disease that we can catch, nor is it a substance that will rub off on us if we touch it. Aging is both a state of mind as well as body. In my opinion, how we age is no one’s business but our own. There is no one way to deal with growing older. What matters is how we feel about ourselves and how we choose to live a life that is meaningful.
Thanks, Nancy!
Loved this…probably because I’m the “other woman” in the story! I agree with everything you wrote…especially the part about the lack of suitable men at our age. They are a rare commodity for sure.
Thanks so much, Joyce. And thanks for being the other woman. Maybe we should try to find a suitable male companion online. Haha
One of the classes I taught somewhere, maybe Everywoman’s Village, was titled “Think young, stay young “.
I still believe in the concept and know you’re staying young with your attitude and activities. Age is a matter of attitude as well as noted on the calendar and I’ve known 45 year olds who are much older than you.