I wrote this piece in my writing group last Tuesday. I was inspired by a quote from Joan Rivers: “I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it doesn’t get better. You get better.” Here goes: February fourth would have been my husband Bob’s eighty-seventh birthday. It was an awful lonely long day. No hugs, no kisses, no conversations, no plans, no nothing. And I kept thinking about how I could make it better, and I couldn’t find a way. He’s been gone over three years already and those three years seem so much longer than the over fifty years we were together married, having a family, sometimes working together, traveling, eating out, occasionally bickering and having long and interesting talks almost every night after dinner. I still have the beautiful jewels and clothes and artifacts that he gave me that I don’t even wear or use. But I can’t bear to sell or give them away. They are my memories of him and his generosity and love. My son will have to deal with them after I’m … [Read more...]
Three more poems
Thankfully I can still write my daily short poems. It's a way for me to look inside a bit and record my thoughts and goings on since my husband Bob died. Today would have been his eighty-fourth birthday. I can't even begin to tell you how much a miss celebrating with him as I did for the last fifty-three years. Here are three newish draft poems. My Days Even when I add A chore or two To shake up my day It still ends The same way. Eating dinner in front Of the television As I watch a movie. I watch one each night Some good, some bad But it’s a diversion Which I need more And more of these days. I don’t know how To get out of this rut. And when I study it Real closely, I don’t think I ever will. My husband is gone And the void he left In my life will never Go away. And nowadays I want to yell and scream At him for leaving me. Even though he couldn’t help Getting so sick,. He needed to get well And not leave me this way. My Mercedes Is … [Read more...]
What else is happening in May?
This month is full of happenings, especially family ones. May 4 would have been my brother-in-law’s 79th birthday. Today would have been my dad’s 115th birthday though he only lived to be 72. They both died of cancer. Of course, next Sunday, May 13, is Mother’s Day, though I also commemorated Bereaved Mother’s Day yesterday, in memory of our son Paul who left us almost 19 years ago. And after that is my birthday on May 20, and Bob and my 48th anniversary on May 28. … [Read more...]
We celebrate in May
With Mother's Day and my birthday and our anniversary in the month of May, we had a lot of celebrating to do. We also celebrated the online release of our son's new movie, Gentlemen's Fury, now streaming on Vimeo On Demand. Believe me, in the old days when I first started going to movies I never would have dreamed we could see new releases from our television sets. So here are a few photos from this May and one from our wedding day, May 28, forty-seven years ago. And yes, they all said it would never last. May 28, 1970 May 28, 2017 May 23, 2017, release of Gentlemen's Fury on Vimeo On Demand One more thing. My memoir, Leaving the Hall Light On was released on Mother's Day, 2011. It now has 218 reviews on Amazon and is ranked 4.3 out of five stars. Plus last month it was on a list compiled by Erin Burba of BookRiot of the 100 Must-Read Biographies and Memoirs of Remarkable Women. So I celebrate the anniversary of that event too. … [Read more...]
Birthday plus three
I turned 75 on May 20. And it's taken me three days to fess up. But I shouldn't have any problem with it. I'm in great health, my body feels great and lets me workout everyday. I'm also able to work a full-time consulting job right now - my mind seems as sharp as ever. My secret is really no secret. I eat healthy, I workout, and I take my hormones and vitamins every day. That's about it. Oh, I forgot one more thing. My husband and I will be married 45 years next week. That longevity helps as well. I felt very blessed on this birthday. I got loads of greetings from family and friends and a few little celebrations. We celebrated my great niece's second birthday last weekend, and I got to share in the festivities with my very own delicious chocolate gluten and dairy free cake. Here are some of the online gifts I received. … [Read more...]
Happy Birthday, Kenny
My brother, Kenny, would have been seventy-seven today. I miss him always. He was the guy I grew up with. Here are a couple of photos: one taken near the beginning of his life when he was three, the other taken near the end with yours truly. He will always be in my heart. … [Read more...]
Taking an Esalen break
I'll be taking a few days' break from here while I attend my yearly poetry workshop at Esalen Institute in Big Sur California. In about an hour, I will be leaving for the six-hour drive from our home in southern California to go to central California. I love this workshop as it's a time for reflection, relaxation, and some heavy-duty poetry writing. We have a craft talk every morning and then go off to write until we get together again to share our work mid afternoons. I'll take good notes on the craft talks and share them with you when I get back. In the meantime, here are a couple of my favorite photos from the Esalen grounds. And reflections from one of my favorite times at Esalen when my husband and I went there to celebrate my sixtieth birthday. Turning 60 As 60th birthdays go it wasn't too bad. But how would I know any difference? This was the first and last time I'll ever turn 60. Bob kept toasting me with a "here's to another 60 years." Ha! Now, … [Read more...]
Happy Birthday, Kenny
It's my brother Kenny's birthday today. He would have been 75. I can't believe he is gone over four years already. I miss him more and more. Here are a few photos with him and my sister and mom. Madeline, Kenny, Mom, and Sheila - 1993 Madeline, Sheila, and Kenny - 2006 Sheila, Madeline, and Kenny - 2007 … [Read more...]