In memory of our son Paul and his December 31st birthday, I like to share (again) another mental illness resource. The stigma of mental illness could turn deadly if we aren't educated.... A couple years ago my cousin came to our house to review and discuss the family history my husband had been writing. After reviewing the material he made one request leave out the part about his father's bipolar disorder. In fact he didn't want to see any discussion of any of the mental illness that permeates my side of our family. That was proof enough for me that the stigma of mental illness still exists. Although my husband did not mention our family's mental illness in the history, I openly discussed my grandmother's, uncle's, and mother's mental illness in my memoir, Leaving the Hall Light On (now in paperback and eBook), and that I believe that their genes passed on bipolar disorder to my son. The most important way to erase stigma is to open the conversation about mental illness. … [Read more...]
Keeping Paul’s music alive
After Paul died on the morning of September 23, 1999 we found a rectangular-shaped black canvas bag that contained cassette tapes of all his recorded music. We picked out a few and played them during his memorial service four days later. One of his long time friends, Martin Borsanyi, who used to compose and play jazz music with Paul during their high school days, came over to our house many times in the next year or so. He made an inventory of Paul's musical instruments (except his piano, which we still have) and other electronic sound and recording equipment that we gave away to the Crossroads High School jazz ensemble where he and Martin played. Martin also transferred the music from cassette onto CDs, working in our home because I was afraid to let the tapes out of my sight for fear of losing them. Once I got into the age of iTunes, I also transferred all of Paul's music there as well. I also created a memorial page on my blog here at Choices where people can stop by to … [Read more...]
NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness
NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, is another organization I wish I knew about when our son Paul was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I'm posting this here, mostly in words directly from NAMI's website, to honor Paul's memory in the month of his birth. Hopefully, it will help others who are suffering with mental illness in their families. According to NAMI, it is the nation's largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness. NAMI advocates for access to services, treatment, supports and research and is steadfast in its commitment to raise awareness and build a community for hope for all of those in need. NAMI is the foundation for hundreds of NAMI State Organizations, NAMI Affiliates and volunteer leaders who work in local communities across the country to raise awareness and provide essential and free education, advocacy and support group programs. NAMI's History Since … [Read more...]
Please welcome The Writing Whisperer, M. Shannon Hernandez
I'm very pleased to introduce you to M. Shannon Hernandez. I met her a couple weeks ago at Dawn Herring's weekly Twitter Journal Chat, as we discussed the benefits of journaling. Journaling is such a wonderful way to tell our life stories and kick off future writing pieces of any genre. I also like to journal to report daily happenings and dreams, and make lists of to dos and what I've accomplished. Shannon discusses her technique for journaling in short reflective bursts. Here's Shannon. The Journaler's Nightcap: Conscious Reflection Journaling by M. Shannon Hernandez Most of us leave extremely busy lives. We are bombarded with more information than ever before. A short walk from my house to the train station in Brooklyn yields advertisements whizzing by on busses, flyers handed out on street corners, and newspapers thrust at me as I descend underground. I didn't even mention that you would most likely see me checking my voicemail, email, and text messages along the way too. One day … [Read more...]
Remembering Stanley Lelewer, chair of Didi Hirsch Board of Directors
My dear friend, Stanley Lelewer, died on Sunday, December 1. I've known Stan since eighth grade in Glencoe IL. He used to be the driver when his brother David and I went out on movie dates. He was in my brother's class at high school, three years a head of me. After I moved to California I didn't hear about him again until I saw him on the news talking about the suicide death of his son, who shot himself on the beach in Santa Monica. Six years later when our son Paul killed himself in our home in Manhattan Beach, a mutual friend said I had to meet Stan. Small world. I told her I knew him from our very distant past. This friend called Stan and told him about Paul. Within minutes he called and an hour later he was at our home. He was my savior. He knew what to do; he knew what to say. And since we had a personal relationship, he told me to call anytime day or night and I did. We also met his wife and the four of us went out to dinner. He took me out to lunch as well. Stanley and … [Read more...]
Paul’s Tree is gone….
Paul's Tree is gone. Inside of three hours its branches were cut down, its trunk chain sawed into moveable chunks and its huge root ball dug out of the ground and also split into small pieces. Now the ground is covered with a few plants. However after the first of the year we will plant a smaller 36-inch tree in its place. The city mandated we plant a new tree when it gave us permission to remove this one. I'm sorry to say we couldn't save it and move it elsewhere. It was just too big. My gardener, Mike Garcia, owner of Enviroscape LA Landscaping, said we would have had to remove overhead wires and hire five helicopters to lift it away not an economic option, unfortunately. And Mike would know. He cares about growing things. He creates sustainable and healing gardens like I create healing words. By the way, Mike offered some words of advice don't let your tree guy just take a few inches of the root ball away when/if you ever have to remove a tree. He says you won't be able to … [Read more...]
The beat goes on – how women remember the 1960s and 1970s
The sixties in my life were turbulent indeed: moving from Chicago to Los Angeles, transferring from the University of Wisconsin to UCLA, getting married, graduating college, working at my first real job as a technical writer and editor in the aerospace business, having a miscarriage, getting divorced, spending five years looking for the real Mr. Right and trying to get equal pay and status in the corporate world, and remarrying just as the seventies came around. It was the time of the Pill, which I took advantage of, and a new kind of openness and creativity as my WOW Women on Writing blog tour guest Kate Farrell discusses today. I certainly remember those times especially the music that I still love to listen to in this twenty-first century. Now just in time for the holidays, Linda Joy Myers, Kate Farrell and Amber Lea Starfire have launched their anthology Times They Were A-Changing: Women Remember the '60s and '70s. The book is the perfect gift for opening discussions with … [Read more...]
Bonnie Milani, author of Home World, discusses book critiques
I always love to host WOW Women On Writing blog tour authors. It's a great way to meet new authors and to be introduced to book genres that I don't normally turn to. Home World by Bonnie Milani is on of those books. Today Bonnie shares her thoughts about book critiques, which are particularly timely for me. I just lived through some hard-to-take critiques about my novel from members of my writing group. Please comment here for a chance to win a copy of Home World, a fast paced well-written story about the power and the price of love. A winner will be picked at random and announced on Monday, December 9. Here's Bonnie.... What Makes a Good Critique? Ah, critiques. They're the bitter part of the writer's bittersweet craft. Having just had an infected/impacted /fused-to-the-jaw bone wisdom tooth pulled, I'm most cogently reminded just how painful a critique can be. Actually, that's a pretty good analogy, come to think of it. Because as the pain in my jaw fades, I'm becoming … [Read more...]
Memorializing Paul’s Tree
I spent some time today taking photos of the tree we've had in our front yard for the last thirteen plus years. We have come to call it Paul's tree because we had it planted on the first year anniversary of Paul's death. I've mentioned it here in the past after a particularly bad trimming job (see December 5, 2010, June 30, 2012, and July 22, 2012). Unfortunately, I won't have to complain about that anymore. Next week our gardeners are going to remove it completely, and we'll replace it with a much smaller and less invasive substitute. I'm also memorialized it in a poem just published in True Words from Real Women: An Anthology of Life Writing by the Women of the Story Circle Network (November 2013). Paul's Tree It has to be a climbing tree, I say to replace the one he used to climb as a boy, to remind me of him sitting in the wide Vee of the upper branches smiling and proud of his climbing success. I settle on a small … [Read more...]
103 five-star reviews – oh my!
I'm so honored to have received a five-star review of my memoir, Leaving the Hall Light On, especially, from Linda Appleman Shapiro who is a professional Psychotherapist/Addictions Counselor (M.S., A.S.A.C.) She is also certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Ericksonian Hypnosis/ Named Best Blogger in the field of Mental Health by WELLsphere and finalist in the Next Generation Indie Book Awards for FOUR ROOMS,UPSTAIRS: A Psychotherapist's Journey Into and Beyond Her Mother's Mental Illness. Thank you so much, Linda. I am proud to publish your review verbatim here. *** Linda Appleman Shapiro's Review of: LEAVING THE HALL LIGHT ON: A Mother's Memoir of Living with Her Son's Bipolar Disorder and Surviving His Suicide We live in an age where telling one's personal story is nearly epidemic. There are those who gain fame from revealing salacious facts about their lives, appearing on television talk shows and then writing memoirs because audiences embrace their narcissism, gain … [Read more...]
Where were you 50 years ago today?
If you are as old as I am you probably remember exactly where you were fifty years ago when you heard the news that President John Kennedy was shot. I'll never forget it. I was working at my first real job as a technical editor for a company called Space Technology Laboratories that became TRW and many years later bought out by Northrop Grumman. I started work there in July 1963 when I was twenty-three years old. At that time, I was still married to my first husband, and we both took the news of President Kennedy's death very hard. We were glued to the television all weekend. We couldn't get enough of the story. Some years later I wrote the following poem, when asked to write in the style of a favorite poet. I chose Frank O'Hara and his poem, The Day Lady Died, about the death of the jazz singer, Billie Holiday. I've posted this poem here before. But, on this fiftieth anniversary of President Kennedy's death I think it's appropriate to post it again. He's been forever in my … [Read more...]
Sara Connell’s surrogacy story is incredible
I am delighted to welcome Sara Connell here at Choices today to discuss her writing and coaching life. Her memoir, Bringing in Finn is indeed an incredible surrogacy story. To win your free copy, please leave your comments here. I'll announce a winner, picked randomly, on Monday, December 2. Book Summary and Details Bringing in Finn by Sara Connell is an incredibly moving story of surrogacy and how it created a bond like no other between a mother and daughter. In February 2011, 61-year-old Kristine Casey delivered the greatest gift of all to her daughter, Sara Connell: Sara's son, Finnean. At that moment, Kristine the gestational carrier of Sara and her husband Bill's child became the oldest woman ever to give birth in Chicago. Bringing in Finn: An Extraordinary Surrogacy Story tells this modern family's remarkable surrogacy story. is an achingly honest memoir about a couple that wanted nothing more than to have a family and a mother who would do anything for her … [Read more...]
Thank you, Keith Alan Hamilton, for your beautiful photo and words
My dear friend and poetry and photography buddy Keith Alan Hamilton has created a blog to, as he says, independently publish online the art of its author ~Keith Alan Hamilton~ and other Artists. The blog's primary goal is to make available a freely accessible and affordable medium which will provide the creative spirit greater recognition, distribution & readership over the internet." Keith has also created The Hamilton Gallery where he showcases the work of other artists as well (including me). He has just surprised me with the most touching poem to accompany the photo he took when he visited my husband and me in Manhattan Beach . Thank you my dear friend Keith for your wonderful and kind words and spectacular photograph. I couldn't help sharing work with my readers. when you have the realization you are experiencing the essence of greatness no matter how momentary the happening a sense of the spiritual emerges¦¦all in the cosmos appears … [Read more...]
Try Pilates: you might like it
This article was recently published on Aging Bodies. I decided to post it here, after reading the benefits of Pilates to people of all ages in the Los Angeles Times this morning. I've been practicing Pilates for at least ten years. I started with mat Pilates, by doing exercises on a mat on the floor. Next I took classes in Pilates on a large exercise ball, and for the last seven or eight years I've either taken group classes or private instruction on the Pilates reformer. This machine is a long wooden and leather bench-like affair that has a series of pulleys and springs that when used with my own body weight, creates resistance not very different from exercising with hand-held weights or weight machines. However, as I've aged I find using the resistance created by the reformer is a lot more forgiving on my body. Plus, the exercises I perform are all geared to keeping me flexible, well-balanced, toned, and strong. Another plus is that my posture has improved immensely. I don't … [Read more...]
Please join me in welcoming Eleanor Vincent back to Choices
It's wonderful to have Eleanor Vincent back on Choices on the last day of her WOW Women on Writing blog tour. I'm delighted to share about her memoir, Swimming with Maya: A Mother's Story with you. (See my review at Goodreads.) Eleanor's work hugely inspired me to write my memoir Leaving the Hall Light On: A Mother's Memoir of Living with Her Son's Bipolar Disorder and Surviving His Suicide. Swimming with Maya had been released a few years before, and I felt if she can do it so can I as hard as writing about the death of a child is. As soon as we met in December 1999 I felt we were soul mates the deaths of our eldest children bound us together, and we have been friends and writing buddies ever since. Just last weekend my husband and I visited with her in northern California. It was such a treat to meet her two grandchildren for the first time. I wrote a blog piece about how we met earlier this year you can find it here. About Swimming With Maya; A Mother's … [Read more...]
David Hockney works like a writer
We just spent a few days in the San Francisco area and a highlight was seeing the David Hockney: a Bigger Exhibition at the De Young museum in Golden Gate Park. The exhibit is so large it takes two floors of the museum to show it. Gorgeous Hockney Trees To me Hockney seems to work like a dedicated writer. He always has his ass in the chair or his feet on the floor with paintbrush, charcoals, computer, iPad, iPhone or video camera in his hands. Yes, he works in all those media never too old, though born in 1937, to learn and use the new technology. What impressed me is that he paints and draws and makes art as a writer writes everyday. We saw paintings that he created only one month before we were there to see the exhibit huge portraits. And while I don't especially like his portraits I like the bright colors he uses primary blues, reds, yellows, oranges. We also saw a series of charcoal drawings he made in 2012 and 2013 in East Yorkshire, England at Woldgate. Each … [Read more...]
Please welcome Toni Piccinini, author of The Goodbye Year
I'm so pleased to host Toni Piccinini during her WOW! Women On Writing blog tour. Her memoir, The Goodbye Year, is an inspirational, honest, and hilarious tale of Toni's approach to the end of an era in the Piccinini household. For many mothers, a child's senior year brings about a serious look back on the past eighteen. Every event from Halloween to Mother's Day becomes The Last Time. Toni Piccinini knows exactly what that's like, and in The Goodbye Year, she offers the loving support every soon-to-be Empty Nester needs. Think of Toni as your bossy-but-loving Italian auntie, with modern sensibilities and a packed pantry. With the wisdom she's acquired from saying goodbye three times to her own children, she reassuringly holds your hand while encouraging you through the insanity of the college application process, the rejections and the acceptances, and the teary dorm drop-offs. Even better, she reminds every mother that the best is yet to come freedom, creativity, flexibility, and … [Read more...]
My writing life is heating up
Here's what's going on. This week I learned that one of my poems was accepted to appear in the Story Circle Network's 2103 Anthology, and that the proposal Eleanor Vincent and I wrote to present a workshop at SCN's 2014 conference was accepted. Our workshop is called Telling Healing Stories: Writing a Compelling Memoir. Added to the excitement is that the conference takes place in Austin Texas next April 11 through 13. I've always wanted to travel there, so here's my chance. I also began attending a weekly poetry workshop recommended by my writing friend, Chanel Brenner (see her guest post here). My first assignment was to bring in six copies of my portal poem which means that I read the first version of it at the first meeting and then I am required to rewrite and share the rewrites at each of our next five meetings. This poem had to be a first draft and one that makes me cringe when I read it. So I picked one I wrote at Esalen last summer that really got slammed by one of … [Read more...]
