More about my meditation story

Meditation and I have never really stretched into a lazy, warm silence. My brain doesn’t know how to be turned off by regular breathing. Instead, my mind pours out and doesn’t allow me to shut down.

As much as I try and I try now more than ever, I cannot just listen to my regular breathing. I even try saying Ohm and counting my breaths, but I even lose the ability to concentrate on that. I say Ohm 1, Ohm 2, Ohm 3, and by then I’m thinking about the noises I hear outside and the chores I haven’t finished and the writing work I’ve either just finished or need to finish. And then I try counting my Ohms again.  And my brain of course interrupts again.

But I never say no to a meditation session – even the sound bath technique has come into play. I want to be successful at it, so I don’t give up. No matter how many times I unsuccessfully try, I’m willing to try again. The only thing that scares me is going to a meditation retreat where people sit and meditate for hours in the morning, in the afternoon, and the evening, eating very little but healthy food and hardly sleeping. I don’t think I could handle that much discipline. An hour or two at a time would be enough for me. I just hope I wouldn’t fall asleep even doing that little bit.

So as unsuccessful as I am in the meditation realm and in attaining a lazy, warm silence, I’m going to keep at it as long as I can.


  1. Joyce Goldberg says

    I know what you’re feeling. I too can’t shut my mind down to meditate and I’ve given up. I admire your perseverance and hope you succeed in finding that lazy warm and distant place.

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