I just spent this past weekend in Santa Barbara with side trips to Los Olivos and Ojai with my sister, sister-in-law, and my sister-in-law's cousin celebrating each of our milestone birthdays. The weather was gorgeous, the accommodations right on the Santa Barbara coast were comfortable and luxurious, and of course the food and wine very plentiful. And, as with most of my activities, here's my commemorative poem. Four Birthdays Four aging women gather together to celebrate their special birthdays. One is 60 (the baby), one 65, and two reach 70 within this calendar year. Welcomed for the weekend at Susie's beach house along Shoreline Drive in Santa Barbara, they eat Argentinean empanadas, Greek tzatziki and feta, and southwestern chili and taste wine in the hills above Los Olivos, along the famed Sideways route. As Chris with the gray beard and long blonde hair who poured in the film pours for them they critique pinots, sauvignon blancs, … [Read more...]
Thoughts about Richard
We're going to New York to visit my ailing brother-in-law tomorrow. In keeping with my poem a week theme of writing about people I don't know, here's one about him. I Won't Know Him Even though I know him I won't know him. I hear he's shrunk in size down 20 pounds from his usual husky physique in just a few weeks. I hear his speech is fuzzy, like he's high on drugs, but perhaps that's a good thing. He was jovial and upbeat when I saw him last, contemplating knee surgery and spending the last years of his life in Florida with his grandkids. Instead , his years of smoking sometimes four or five packs a day left his body rampant with cancer. When I see him next he'll be in a hospital bed placed conveniently in his living room in Queens, New York. The taut white sheets light cream coverlet and stack of extra-thick pillows support and comfort his every move. Alongside his bedpost hangs the morphine drip that he can tweak ever so slightly himself to ease … [Read more...]
The morning after
After six days of rain in the LA area, it was just gorgeous yesterday morning. There's nothing better than a clear and clean beach after the rain. … [Read more...]
More 70th birthdays
My friend, Chuck, whom I've known since 6th grade said, "I'm still trying to align my age with my mind," on the occasion of his 70th birthday this week. My sister-in-law, who also turned 70 this week, said she was really feeling her age. I can relate to both views. Most days my mind tells me I can't be nearing 70 -- no way do I look or feel that age. Other days, I just want to lay down and sleep for hours and otherwise let it all hang out. Maybe the only way to get around both thoughts is to just live in the here and now and not worry about how I look or how old I feel. Sure, this is an old tried and true attitude. But, with what little time I have left, it's the right choice. … [Read more...]
Wishes from Ram Dass
I thought his new year's greeting was worth repeating here. Now that this decade of 2010 is upon us and we are in the midst of so much turmoil and suffering, I want to extend a wish for us. That wish is to be part of the process of energizing our consciousness in a way that manifests more compassion, more listening, more atonement, more justice, more sustainability, more harmony, more happiness, more peace and more love. I would like our lives to be a statement of all of that. Where we find it wanting, that's where we are called to do our work on ourselves. -- Ram Dass … [Read more...]
The death sentence
My brother-in-law was given a death sentence this week his doctors say he has four to six months to live. I'm going to tell the story of his illness as best I can. What it all boils down to is the choices we make in life. He chose to smoke for over 50 years. And, he didn't smoke a little. He smoked three to five packs a day. Plus he lived with the second hand smoke from his late wife's cigarette habit. She died of lung cancer about four years ago. After she died he decided to quit smoking. He read a book about how to quit, and when he finished the book he just did it. He quit. And he was so proud of himself. When we saw him a few months afterward he looked good and seemed fit. He was walking three to four miles a day and he didn't show any residuals from his former tobacco addiction. And, he was determined to sell his house in Queens and move to Florida to be near his children and grandchildren. Unfortunately, his wellbeing didn't last long. By March 2009, his knees bothered … [Read more...]
Happy New Year!
Some end of year thoughts, prayers, wishes: that we visit my brother-in-law very soon that my next door neighbor has an easy journey that Annie's neck heals properly and quickly that Jason continues on the road to recovery that Tony is all well by now that Lizzie and Zach bring a baby into their family by adoption or ??? that we spend most of the month of May on vacation and, that Ben and Marissa live happily ever after. We have a wedding coming up this summer. We all have that wonderful event to look forward to. Bring in the LIGHT in 2010. … [Read more...]
Post op three weeks and all is going very well.
Bob went to see his knee doctor today - post op three weeks - and doesn't have to come back for a whole year. He just needs to keep his knee moving (inactivity will build up scar tissue which is the enemy of a complete recovery), walk 20 to 30 minutes or more a day, do his exercises, and ice after them. That's it. No special physical therapy needed at all. He can take Advil if he has pain and has permission to drive even though he's been driving for a week and a half already. This is definitely a partial knee replacement success story. … [Read more...]
2009 — not that great a year either
Last year at the end of December I wished for more rest and no deaths. I said, Those are definitely the things that mean the most right now. I'm forever tired. And I'm tired of the losses in my life. Like last year I'll have to celebrate Paul's birthday at the cemetery again this year the 11th of his birthdays I've spent there with him. So, again, I wish for no more deaths. Only happy occasions. And stop with the bad news already too. I'll take the tiredness any day over sickness and death. So, looking back on 2009 I find an abundance of sickness and tiredness. Three of my friends spent a lot of time emailing friends and family and asking for prayers, light, hope, good thoughts, and love relative to their loved one's illnesses and recovery. These emails resonated with me because I have used writing to heal for the last 16 years ever since Paul was first diagnosed as bipolar. But, I never thought to get my writing out there almost daily to friends and family. These emails have … [Read more...]
Time heals
In less than two weeks my husband fired me as his driver. He had had just about enough of being tied down to my schedule. He didn't want to wait until I had the time to take him where he needed to go. Well, one would think a person post op from partial knee replacement surgery would not have a lot of places to go. Well, my guy defied the odds. One week after his surgery he declared he was ready to go to work and thus began our little routine: get him there by 8:45 am, pick him up sometime in the noon hour so he could go home to ice and rest, take him back to work after that, etc. And so it went Monday through Thursday -- many trips back and forth while I was trying to complete the professional responsibilities of my own job as well. When I dropped him off at his office on Friday without the credential that allowed him to get in the building where he worked and without his regular glasses -- he had left them in the car -- and he couldn't reach me to come back to help him for over … [Read more...]
A heavy week
This past week has left me exhausted. I can feel the weight on my shoulders and see a drained and old look on my face. It started with Bob's knee surgery which, it turns out, has not been so bad an ordeal after all. He had a couple of hard days, but sometime on Wednesday night he decided to abandon his walker, and he's been almost self sufficient ever since. That is, he can shower, dress, change his bandage, and turn his refrigeration machine on and off by himself. However, he is still not able to drive, so besides keeping up with my own work load and being the chief cook, I am the chauffeur now as well. And that job got a little busier since he decided to start back to work today. But, then things can always be worse not for us, but for some folks we know and love. One of my oldest friends we went to high school and worked on the high school newspaper together was in a terrible automobile accident on Saturday. It was a one-car accident the car she and her husband were … [Read more...]
Two days post op
Well, it hasn't been as easy as the doctor said. The surgery went perfectly on my husband's right knee but the recovery is going much slower and with more complications (swelling, loss of appetite and nausea, and drowsiness) than we were led to believe. Thank goodness for the ice and compression machine, the pain medication, the walker, and his calm and caring wife -- without us all where would he be? After this is over I'm going to need a good long girls only vacation. Any suggestions!?! … [Read more...]
Back from Denver — there’s no place like home
I was expecting cold, and what I got was COLD. And today, my last day to be there, it was so snowy, that I decided I had to get out FAST. After a few quick calls to the airline and family members, I changed my flight to the 1:00 instead of the 4:30. But until we were in in the air -- after an hour and a half wait to take off -- I really had my doubts that I'd make it out of town in time to take Bob to his date for knee surgery tomorrow. Even so, the visit with family was wonderful. It's just their choice of a place to live that I find a problem. As I've said before, we all make our choices. And, it's very clear, some folks make choices that are not necessarily in sync with our own. But, that's a story for another time. Right now I'm relaxing on my family room couch, blogging, reading the Sunday paper, and glad that I won't wake up tomorrow to a snowy landscape yet again. Sure, the snow is beautiful, but not in my backyard. … [Read more...]
Finally a choice — after too long a delay
Today is a special day. I decided to take the day off so I could go with my husband for his appointment with his knee surgeon in Santa Monica. The appointment started at 8:00 and after xrays, an exam, and much conversation, we decided to go ahead and book Bob's surgery for Monday. How's that for making a decision!!! How's that for finally choosing to act rather than living with pain and the inability to walk more than a block without discomfort. Also, the prognosis is very good. He only has damage on the inside of his knee no more cartilage there so the bones are rubbing against each other and causing him the pain and his leg to bow. So, he only needs a partial replacement. Before I saw the xray I was definitely an advocate of full replacement, but not anymore. Plus, recovery time is much less with a partial. Anyway, he'll have the surgery on Monday, they'll get him walking the same day, he'll go home the second day, and he will be able to go about his business almost … [Read more...]
Happy Thanksgiving
I can't beat the words of President Obama on this day. So, here they are: Tomorrow, Thanksgiving Day, Americans across the country will sit down together, count our blessings, and give thanks for our families and our loved ones. American families reflect the diversity of this great nation. No two are exactly alike, but there is a common thread they each share. Our families are bound together through times of joy and times of grief. They shape us, support us, instill the values that guide us as individuals, and make possible all that we achieve. So tomorrow, I'll be giving thanks for my family -- for all the wisdom, support, and love they have brought into my life. But tomorrow is also a day to remember those who cannot sit down to break bread with those they love. The soldier overseas holding down a lonely post and missing his kids. The sailor who left her home to serve a higher calling. The folks who must spend tomorrow apart from their families to work a second job, … [Read more...]
Whadya think?
Except for a few loose ends and the garden work, the house resurfacing and painting is finished. So, what do you think? alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5391546403997085058" /> … [Read more...]
House progress — week of September 21
New fence and gate -- prestain stage Color tests in preparation for next week's painting and staining. Could it be almost finished at last? … [Read more...]
Skin and cure
Last Monday, the 14th, the house got the skin coat. When I got home that night I thought I was having a deja vu experience -- my white rough surfaced house still looked like a strawberry ice cream sundae. But after two days of drying time the real transformation began -- application of colored stucco. Skin However, upon seeing the first completed section I had more angst -- the color looked way too dark - though the surface is indeed silky smoothe. Cure - Day 1 In fact it looked like chocolate brown instead of light mustard. We called the contractor and he assured us our color choice would emerge after a week of curing -- or longer depending on the weather. Cure - Day 4 Cure - Day 4 And, today, after 4 days our color is slowly coming through. Now wouldn't it have been nice to know a little bit about this skin and cure process at the outset? As far as I knew before we got started, skin and cure were just terms from a cookbook. … [Read more...]
The house — inching toward the finish
New molding Progress is going slower than we expected. This week we got molding around the garage (made of foam) and reinstallation of our house number. But, having my number back at all and in such great shape makes me very happy. We have been promised that the stucco skin process will start on Monday and that the fence and other painting will get going later in the week. So, our house project won't be finished in three weeks as promised. Probably more like five (fingers crossed). … [Read more...]
What do you think?
Not a lot of house progress since the big sand blast last week. We got the electrical work done, and now we have a color sample on a square of smooth stucco. And, I think this first sample is the right one. Here is a picture of the look I like (though the color in the photo is a lot more yellowy than the sample) plus a couple of images of the square against our naked outside walls. And, if I give the go ahead, I suspect the new stucco will go on next week. Right now we're living with the square up against the house for the weekend. If we still like it by Tuesday morning, it's a go. … [Read more...]
