A big thank you to all of you who have donated and/or signed up to join me on September 25 for the Didi Hirsch annual suicide prevention Alive and Running 5K. Now that I'm on the 5K committee I was asked to set a fundraising goal. And at the outset I set my goal only at $500. But thanks to you I just upped it to $1000.00 and I'm only $48.00 short of reaching that because so many of you responded to my Ask. Just to give you a little background, I first discovered Didi Hirsch after Paul died. My husband and I participated in their eight-week Survivors after Suicide workshop. And as depressing as those sessions were, they had a lasting effect on me. I also found out that as horrific a story of loss as mine was, it could always be worse. I also reconnected with a person I've known since grade school in Glencoe, IL through my involvement with Didi Hirsch. Stan Lelewer's son killed himself about six years before Paul, and when he heard about Paul through a mutual friend he was … [Read more...]
24/7
I wear this turquoise bracelet 24/7. Paul is always with me. The other side of the bracelet gives our local Suicide Prevention Hot Line number at Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services, reminding me how important suicide prevention is. On this day, his birthday, and what has been our end-of-year custom, we donate to our favorite charities. Among them are those we added to our list after Paul died: Didi Hirsch, The Compassionate Friends, Congregation Tikva Jacob, and the Paul Sharples Memorial Endowment at Crossroads High School to support the jazz music program. The jazz program at Crossroads was such a great influence on Paul and his performance abilities, that I hope the endowment in his name will provide the same kind of inspiration to other young musicians. So Happy Birthday, Paul. No matter what, you are with us 24/7. … [Read more...]
Rain
It's been raining for days. I like the rain. Bob and I fell in love on a rainy day in March so we always welcome the rain. We like the sound of it on our roof. I love the way my garden looks in the rain or just after. We grow mostly succulents in various shades of green and pinkish red, and the rain makes those colors pop. It's almost like a garden of wild flowers especially since so many of the plants are shaped like flowers. I also like to see the hills after the rain. They seem to take on an extra coat of Technicolor green. The rain completely revitalizes the usual dry tan fields so prevalent in southern California. The storm we've been having is the worst in ten years they say. But I remember one about a year before Paul died. It rained for a lot of days in a row like it's doing now, and he hated being cooped up in the house. He couldn't get out and do his usual wandering or smoke breaks outside. He said it was driving him crazy and then he chucked, realizing what he had just … [Read more...]
Like a Buddha
photo by Madison Poulter Here are a few of the Buddhas in my collection. I began to gather them around me, not because I follow the religion, but because Paul always seemed so like a Buddha. He sat cross-legged in his room with his musical instruments or papers around him on the floor. He also had a very calm expression on his face during most of our conversations. He spoke slowly and clearly and looked me right in the eye. So I have my Buddhas almost all over my house to calm me as well. The Link's National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention The Link Counseling Center, located in Georgia since 1971, is a nonprofit community counseling center. The Link provides quality, affordable, confidential counseling, psychotherapy, and support groups to all ages. In addition to counseling and psychotherapy services, The Link also offers three specialized programs: Suicide Prevention and Aftercare, Marriage and Family Therapy, and Children and Adolescents in Crisis and Grief besides … [Read more...]
Age four – so happy, so innocent
And an organization founded before Paul was born in 1971. Another one we should have known about. American Association of Suicidology The American Association of Suicidology (AAS) isa nonprofit organization dedicated to the understanding and prevention of suicide with the goal of understanding and preventing suicide. AAS accomplishes this mission by directing efforts to: Advance suicidology as a science; encouraging, developing, and disseminating scholarly work in suicidology. Encourage the development and application of strategies that reduce the incidence and prevalence of suicidal behaviors. Compile, develop, evaluate and disseminate accurate information about suicidal behaviors to the public. Foster the highest possible quality of suicide prevention, intervention and postvention to the public. Publicize official AAS positions on issues of public policy relating to suicide. Promote research and training in suicidology. Founded in 1968, AAS promotes research, … [Read more...]
Reminders are everywhere
We saw the Randy Newman show "Harps and Angels" last night -- an ensemble performance of his marvelous words and music. The graphics, skits associated with the music, and the band were excellent and very entertaining. The band played in the back above the stage and wasn't visible throughout most of the show. That reminded me of the time Paul was in a band that accompanied the circus portion of the Texas State Fair in Dallas, Texas. His band was way above the stage and out of sight of the audience throughout the circus acts. It's interesting where the reminders come from and how they hit me square in the gut when they appear - like when I was at a shopping mall and heard a some music Paul liked as a child. Cat Stevens Then and Now As I walked up the stairs I heard Cat Stevens singing the familiar words of his song, Morning has Broken, and there I was back in 1973 in our old gray Chrysler station wagon with the wood trim and fake red leather seats and Paul was sitting … [Read more...]
Paul and his grandpa
Paul and his grandpa (my father) loved each other. They hung out, they played, they took naps together - all before my father got sick with cancer and couldn't do those things anymore. Losing his grandpa was a big loss in Paul's life. I love this photo of the two of them together. My father, a mostly serious kind of guy, always smiled when Paul was around. Perhaps had his grandfather been alive, he would have been able to help Paul. Stop a Suicide Today Stop a Suicide Today is designed for family and friends - to teach them the warning signs and how to respond. Again, an organization that would have been tremendously useful to us. If you suspect a friend, family member or co-worker is considering suicide, do not wait and see. Act now: acknowledge, show you care, and help your loved one get the treatment he or she needs. For more information go to: http://www.stopasuicide.org/ … [Read more...]
Paul and John
Paul was a huge fan of John Lennon -- his music, his life, his whole personna. When he was killed Paul was devastated and he was only nine years old at the time. One of my favorite John Lennon songs is "Beautiful Boy." Everytime I hear it, I think of Paul. Please go to the link below and listen. A beautiful song about a beautiful boy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uldu_1-JCJE One of Paul's friends tried so hard to help him. He knew that Paul was in crisis, but Paul wouldn't let him in. Perhaps training at this next organization would have helped. Life Savers LifeSavers is a peer-support, suicide and crisis-prevention program developed to train young adults to be caring listeners in their interactions with their peers. It involves a team approach to helping teenagers cope healthfully with the challenges of drugs and alcohol, peer and family relationships, sexual issues, violence, academic problems, death and grieving, aggression, anxiety, and suicide. LifeSavers is … [Read more...]
Missing Paul
What I Miss Eleven years didn't erase him. He is still with me everyday. The memories haven't dimmed. His face, his body, his buzzed hair are clearly visible in my mind. I miss his sounds, hearing him play his music as his bent fingers lightly trickled up and down the keyboard, hearing his footsteps on the stairs, on the hardwood floors as he prowled around the house at night, hearing his deep voice as he said, hello when he came home from work I also miss his expertise. He'd work on our computer problems at night and leave carefully written instructions in childish printing for us to find the next morning. I don't miss his smoking, I don't miss his bad moods during his last few years, I don't miss that his sickness sometimes made him angry and me angry at him. No, I don't miss those things. But, I don't think about them. I just think about the things about him that I miss. Here's information everyone should know about. We certainly … [Read more...]
Letters from Paul
Paul was constantly writing letters to his girlfriend while he was at home in Manhattan Beach and she was in New York City. Here are a couple he wrote in February 1996. Though he says he mailed them, I don't know if he ever did. He wrote them in long-hand, so if he mailed them, he must have written out a copy. February 26, 1996 Hi, I have the taste of peaches and strawberries in my mouth. I haven't eaten any lately, I'm just imagining. I don't know why, but I associate these fruits with you. Actually there are some peaches in the bowl upstairs but I don't want to eat any until I'm next to you. I'm looking at a photograph that you took of yourself. The photo shows you laying on your couch with some light shining in from the window. I love this photograph because the combination of your creativity and physical beauty is breathtaking. The sun here is nice, I like to walk on the beach, and I'm also meditating. I know that you're happy in New York. Please stay strong. I love … [Read more...]
Tree of life
Paul loved to climb -- trees, rocks, up the highest diving boards. He also loved skiing and parasailing. He was fearless. Here's a photo of him sitting comfortably up in a tree's vee. Unfortunately his favorite climbing tree at the end of our driveway in front of our house died, and in his memory we planted a coral tree on the first anniversary of his death. We can't keep up with its heavy growth. Here's Paul's tree of life on a foggy morning in Manhattan Beach. This morning while I was walking along the beach I met a woman I hadn't seen for a long time. We were at one time tennis partners way back when I played on a very cutthrout tennis team. The subject of Paul came up very quickly because her daughter is bipolar and doesn't want to recognize that she is ill -- because of the stigma of mental illness. My friend is a physician and knows the truth that bipolar is a disease just like any physical disease. If it's treated it can be controlled. And it doesn't help not … [Read more...]
Day 4. Oh my gosh, what happened to Day 4?
I decided to cancel it. After just three posts about suicide prevention organizations, I've decided posting about suicide day after day is too, too depressing. So, let's just say I've changed my mind. A woman's prerogative, right? Instead I'm going to make this month a celebration of Paul's life -- with musings, poems, photos, and some of his writing as well. Sure, I'll still post more information about suicide prevention organizations -- but that data will appear toward the end of the page. And, it won't appear in the title. If you're interested you'll have to scroll down a bit. Here's a poem Paul left us -- I think he wrote it right before he died. Way By Paul Sharples I was walking I was thinking I was running I was sinking You were laughing You were loving I was pushing I was shoving If you're wondering How I'm feeling Same old thing I ain't healing If you're hungry I can feed you Please don't think That I don't need you And I let … [Read more...]
Day 3. Survivors of Suicide
I recently came upon this website and thought it worth mentioning in this series -- even though it doesn't specifically provide suicide prevention assistance and education. Dealing with one's grief after a loved one's suicide is the first step to avoiding your own suicide. I'm told it is very common for relatives of suicides to take their own lives. Created in 1998, Survivors of Suicide is an independently owned and operated website and is in no way associated with any specific group, organization or religious affiliation. Its purpose is to help those who have lost a loved one to suicide resolve their grief and pain in their own personal way. The registered area of the SOS site (for which a fee is charged) offers an interactive forum called The Circle that is dedicated to those who have lost a loved one to suicide and a safe place to share and discuss the feelings associated with such a loss. The Healing Hearts area offers support, consolation and encouragement to members in all … [Read more...]
Day 2. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is another organization I wish I had known about while Paul was still alive. I found AFSP on Facebook. Please take a look at its page -- there's a lot of hurting people out there whose lives have been affected by a loved one's suicide. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention invests in research, new educational campaigns, innovative demonstration projects and critical policy work. It also assists people whose lives have been affected by suicide, reaching out to offer support and opportunities to become involved in prevention. AFSP has thirty-nine community-based chapters and has twenty-four more in development. Its growing list of friends and supporters lead a grassroots constituency that can advocate for the policies and legislation at the state and federal levels to advance suicide prevention. AFSP estimates a suicide attempt occurs every minute of every day and over 34,000 lives lost each year to suicide in the U.S. each … [Read more...]
Suicide prevention organizations – Day 1. Didi Hirsch Community Mental Health Services
In memory of our son Paul and his December 31st birthday, I plan to post information about a suicide prevention organization each day this month. This first one is local to us - and we have directly experienced its services and programs. I consider Didi Hirsch Community Mental Health Services the organization where we attended the Survivors After Suicide group, a charity near and dear to my heart. We donate to Didi Hirsch at the end of each year. We also walk in its yearly suicide prevention 5K run/walk. A banner with the names and faces of others who have committed suicide is displayed at this event, so we donate to have Paul's face on that banner. And we attend the Didi Hirsch Erasing the Stigma luncheon every year. I truly believe Paul felt this stigma and shame, and that is what kept him from seeking help and talking about his illness. The work Didi Hirsch does to erase that stigma and to prevent through its mental health programs and suicide support groups and … [Read more...]
Thanksgiving thankfulness
The day before Thanksgiving. Time to think of things to be thankful for. I wrote on the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's wall that I am thankful that I chose to live and survive after Paul died. Otherwise I could never have had the joy of seeing Ben get married last August. Of course that was my reasoning for staying alive. I couldn't leave Ben and Bob. I didn't want to miss out on what was going to happen in Ben's life. And as it turned out, I have a lot to be thankful in how my own life turned out. In learning how to live again, I discovered that I had the gift of leadership, the gift of love from family and friends, the gift of strength that only surviving the death of a child can bring, and the gift of a creative life. About fifteen years ago I finally said now or never, and I started taking classes and workshops to hone my writing skills that had laid dormant since my high school and college days. Although at first I didn't think I could transfer my technical … [Read more...]
Survivors of Suicide Day
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention today is Survivors of Suicide Day. Another reason to remember Paul -- as if I really need one. What is important about this day for me is that my family and I have survived losing him eleven years ago, and I have a book coming out that will hopefully help others get to the place we are today: Leaving the Hall Light On to be released by Lucky Press LLC next Mother's Day. I am so happy that our story will get out there to those who need it. After spending so much time this week picking out photos for the book, it is fitting to post a couple today. So happy at the piano early on With that little closed mouth smile … [Read more...]
Erasing the stigma – a must!
In gathering information for an addendum to my book I turned to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention. According to AFSP records for the year 2007 (the latest information available): "There were 34,598 reported suicide deaths with suicide the fourth leading cause of death for adults between the ages of 18 and 65 years in the United States (28,628 suicides). Currently, suicide is the eleventh leading cause of death in the United States. A person dies by suicide about every fifteen minutes in the United States. Every day, approximately ninety Americans take their own life. Ninety percent of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death. There are four male suicides for every female suicide, but three times as many females as males attempt suicide. There are an estimated eight to twenty-five attempted suicides for every suicide death." There are also alarming statistics regarding the rise of suicide rates in the … [Read more...]
Book progress amidst thoughts about suicide
Well, now I really have my work cut out for me. I have several marked up chapters from my editors so I can complete, complete the first four chapters for sure. I also have final suggestions from my First Reader to combine several chapters -- two into one and three into one. And, right now I think I'm okay about doing that. in fact I know how to do it. So at this point I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can actually see finished chapters on the horizon. I was so worried yesterday that making somce of the suggested changes would be too daunting, but after working through one today I know I'll be okay. Plus it is my book. I can take my editor's notes or leave them. That's the advantage of my being the person with the last red pen. I also think of the suicide crisis we're having because of bullying. In the 11 years since my son Paul's suicide death I think the suicide rate has greatly increased (I plan to include the facts about that at the end of my book). However, … [Read more...]
