At first the question made my heart pound so furiously that I couldn't get an answer out. Later on, I was adamant about saying I had had two sons and explaining right up front that one was dead. Nowadays, I choose my answer depending on who is asking. I don't want people with young children or planning to have children to hear my sad story. No one should have to go where I've been unwittingly. I believe my blurting out my story in response to a simple, friendly question gives out way too much information. Leaving Paul out makes me feel guilty, but way less guilty than making people asking innocent questions feel bad. Wrong? Right? Who knows? The Dreaded Question It happens again like so many times before. I'm at my sister's house, talking to her neighbor someone I've just met and she asks me the dreaded question one that I'm avoiding by talking about what a great day this has been in Portland and isn't my sister's garden just beautiful and what do you do for a … [Read more...]
Paul’s things
For me it is important to have his things around. I haven't hidden away his picture, and I don't hesitate to talk about him either. I want to keep remembering him, and I want others to know about how important he was in my life. I wrote this next poem while at a workshop at Esalen with Richard Jones. It's been published in "Mamazine," an online magazine, and in The Great American Poetry Show, Volume 1, the anthology I coedited. Black Bomber Swaddled in this black bomber jacket all weekend, I am safe from the Big Sur chill. It's too large for me. And that's okay. It was Paul's. I bought it for him years ago at American et Cie on La Brea before he went crazy and decided to leave us way before his time. I like how it snuggles me, like he's in there too giving me a hug. It's the only piece of his clothing I have left. I've given away the rest: his favorite plaid shirts that smelled of sweat and smoke, the torn jeans he salvaged from second-hand stores, his worn … [Read more...]
Ready, set, go
I've finally gotten it all together. The manuscript is printed, the synopsis, market statement, and biography are ready, and I've drafted a brief, to-the-point cover letter. It's ready to go. It was a bit of a struggle, but now that it's done and when it's finally in the mail, all I'll have to do is wait and ONLY 4 to 8 weeks. That will be the hard part. But, the powers that be must be shining down on me. My friends Alice and Richard have found a publisher for their wonderful book about aging and love with pictures of their gorgeous artwork. And in the midst of their search they met up with an agent whom they'd like to hook me up with. I've told them I'll wait on that until I hear from this first agent. I'm telling her this is an exclusive submission. Still it's nice to know there is someone in the wings if I have the need. It's almost like the universe is telling me it's ready for my book. Everything seems to be falling into place so nicely. Well, after over 10 years of work … [Read more...]
Another item for my bucket list
If you've been reading my blog you'll know I've been jotting down things I want to do before I die. I've called it a bucket list -- like the movie. Yesterday I experienced Elizabeth's conversion ceremony in the University of Jusaism's Mikveh (AKA Jewish spa) -- an event pack-filled with beauty, love and spirituality. I felt enormous joy in being there with Elizabeth at such a meaningful time in her life. I take great pride in being her friend a friend across generations and as she says, her mum in LA. She is so warm and loving and open that it's a pleasure talking to and being with her. I really feel like her mentor and confidant something so very special. For the ritual she needed to completely immerse herself in the water three times and not touching anything even her hands couldn't touch each other. In between each dunk she said a prayer. At the end each of the Rabbis made a blessing, the cantor sang, and each of the witnesses said something. That part wasn't mandatory, … [Read more...]
