I've been asked to submit a memory book page for my 50th high school coming up next September. And, of course, for me the subject is the choices I've made and where those choices led me. It really is a matter of the road taken and not taken, and looking back, I wonder if the road I took was the right one. It seems that early on I made rash and wild choices like deciding to transfer to UCLA for my senior year in college and marry my first husband before I even graduated. That that marriage didn't last was predictable because I entered into it for all the wrong reasons, yet, it did get me to settle in Southern California where I've lived most of my life since. If I hadn't I wouldn't have ended up with my second and last husband, Bob definitely one of the best choices of my life. This theme of choices seems to be very much on my mind these days. My early choices laid out the pattern of my life so far. My next choices will lay out the rest of it. Not a complicated concept. Just … [Read more...]
Today
Though it's absolutely beautiful outside, the Dow Jones went down almost 400 points, the price of oil rose $10 a barrel, and I still haven't heard from the agent about my book. It's about seven weeks now since she's had it, and I'm getting more and more nervous by the minute actually by the second. My cell phone rang early yesterday morning while I was in my room getting ready for work, and until I looked to see who had called, my first hope was that it was a call from her. That hope is not too farfetched, because it is just about time that I hear something from her. My friend, Ursula was very cute. She sent me a card with signatures of famous authors pasted on it saying they all want me to be published. And, then again, I can't help the stinking thinking. There have been a lot of memoirs out lately on the subject of death of a child and madness. One by Isabel Allende, in particular, is definite competition. She wrote letters to her dead daughter, Paula, telling her about her family. … [Read more...]
38 years
Yesterday was our 38th anniversary. I wrote a poem called 38 Years a few years ago, the anniversary of when we first fell in love. But the poem still applies. I actually took part of that poem and used it to compose a poem on Intimacy for Paul B's new series of photography that he plans to self publish. They are wonderful black and white nudes of a man and a woman looking like they are intimate, but not explicitly so. But, he felt my poem was too explicit for the frontispiece of the book. That reaction was a surprise to me; however, I went along with the gag and wrote one that doesn't have any sexy words in it just a getting to know you kind of piece. Here it is. Intimacy She moves toward him her lithe body her long legs float across the floor. Her arms outstretched wrap around his neck. And they stop, stare get to know the color of each other's eyes. He turns away slightly then returns then turns away again as if he cannot stand this closeness this … [Read more...]
"Recount" is great
We saw Recount on HBO last night. A brilliant and well-researched script written by one of Ben's friends from middle school, Danny Strong. I just loved the way Laura Dern portrayed Katherine Harris, who by the way still thinks she did what was lawful and just. And, even though we knew how it all turned out, there was still a strong sense of suspense about the outcome. It made me incensed as I was back in 2000 at the Republican's shady dealings and their accusations that the Democrats were trying to steal the election. Of course when all was said and done, we knew who really stole that election only Al Gore was too much of a nice guy to fight anymore. The lesson is that we must, like Hillary keeps saying, allow every vote to be counted now. I've also been madly reading the book Madness, written by someone with bipolar disease. I think the writing is a little over the top in its attempt to portray how she really felt and acted while she was manic and depressed, but it certainly … [Read more...]
Birthday thoughts
I'm 68 today. Amazing. I don't think I look it, and I certainly don't feel it. It just seems so strange to be this old in years and feel no more than a young woman inside. So, let's see. It's time to reassess the bucket list: First priority is to get my book published, and a lot of what I do especially with my job situation depends on that and how much work I'll have to do on it Learn Italian Travel to Israel, Scandinavia, Grand Canyon, the Carolina's, Florida, and the Northeast Live in Italy (seems like a lot of traveling for a person who really doesn't like the stress of traveling) Well, no matter what, it's good to have goals. It keeps me going. … [Read more...]
Manhattan Beach — 30 years of change
I sometimes look at all the cars heading west on Manhattan Beach Boulevard and wonder where they are all going. Surely our small suburban town can't contain all of them. It's just as crowded on our other major East-West thoroughfares Rosecrans and Marine. How much wider can Rosecrans stretch to accommodate the traffic going in and out of our little city? Once a quiet, sleepy town, in the last 30 years Manhattan Beach has turned into an international and sophisticated happening place, touted by the New York Times travel section for dining and shopping and the best sunsets in the world. Our downtown is as crowded as Rodeo Drive. Our cafes and coffee shops rival those on the Champs Elyse. Walkers, dogs and baby strollers clog the sidewalks. Outdoor tables are packed. And not all conversations heard on the streets are in English. Whatever happened to the eucalyptus trees lining Rosecrans Boulevard when it was only two-lanes? Whatever happened to the days when Poncho's was a Chinese … [Read more...]
New York memories
I'd love more days like the one free day I had in New York. I loved being all by myself, walking block after block, looking in the windows on Madison, Fifth, and Lexington avenues, seeing what the museums had to offer, sitting down to lunch at a table for one, meandering along the clothing aisles at Bloomingdale's, and not having to answer to anybody. That is my idea about how to spend a day. Not that I'd want to do it everyday. It's just that I'd like the freedom to do it whenever I wanted. But, that freedom is not yet on the horizon. In another year perhaps, but not yet. Yet, everything about New York reminded me of Paul. Every place we went, there he was. We'd talk about a 5-story walk-up, and there I'd be watching the piano we gave him being moved step by step up to his fourth floor apartment. We ate dinner at Tabla, and there Bob was having an argument with him across the street. We took the circle line tour, and there I was walking the length of the island and across the … [Read more...]
Another choice — to let her go
Friends are a fragile subject. I've had some in my life since high school. I've lost so many throughout the years. And so many I've just let go for lack of nourishment. However, I do know that being a friend and having friends takes time and energy and just the pure will to be there when needed. I've had a person in my life since before Bob and I were married 38 years this month. And throughout that time our friendship has been up and down. In fact we've gone through several periods where we didn't speak to or see each other because our lives just didn't have any connections. Recently we saw each other again and spoke and seemed happy about resuming our friendship. But, I've always known this person to be a flake. She's never one I could rely on to keep a commitment, and one I've known to always surface when she needed something from me. This last time I was hoping she had changed, and we perhaps had a chance for a friendship again. But, no. I was wrong. So wrong that that I let … [Read more...]
My son the actor
Time to be a bragging mom. Here's my boy, Ben, the actor. Of course he's way more than a boy. He'll be 34 in July. The age I was when he was born. I just had to show off his new head shot and hopefully, someone out there will see it and offer him the acting job of his life. After all, I'm the mom. I can still dream the big dream for my son. … [Read more...]
Ready, set, go
I've finally gotten it all together. The manuscript is printed, the synopsis, market statement, and biography are ready, and I've drafted a brief, to-the-point cover letter. It's ready to go. It was a bit of a struggle, but now that it's done and when it's finally in the mail, all I'll have to do is wait and ONLY 4 to 8 weeks. That will be the hard part. But, the powers that be must be shining down on me. My friends Alice and Richard have found a publisher for their wonderful book about aging and love with pictures of their gorgeous artwork. And in the midst of their search they met up with an agent whom they'd like to hook me up with. I've told them I'll wait on that until I hear from this first agent. I'm telling her this is an exclusive submission. Still it's nice to know there is someone in the wings if I have the need. It's almost like the universe is telling me it's ready for my book. Everything seems to be falling into place so nicely. Well, after over 10 years of work … [Read more...]
Another plan in the works
Today, I had a Pilates private session at noon. I need to get back into Pilates more. It is much better for me than Yoga because it's not as strenuous and it's better for stretching and balance. So, my Pilates instructor and I talked about both our desires to live in Italy. She has actually gone so far as to start Italian classes through the South Bay adult school. She recommends starting there and then moving on to El Camino City College. So, now that's my plan. This next year I'll fulfill my goal to climb down the Grand Canyon and promote my book once it gets published and take enough Italian to get by once I get there. The following year I'll be ready to live in Italy. And hopefully, Bob will agee to this plan by then. I think we can rent out house for at least $XK per month which should more than pay for living in Italy and traveling from there into some of the other places in Italy and other countries that we choose to go to. This is a perfect plan. Now I've just got to … [Read more...]
Time for an update
I've been working away at a Market Plan which I need to include with the manuscript submittal to my prospective agent, and in gathering statistics for the market plan I learned about the huge number of Iraq war vets who have committed suicide called a silent epidemic because our government wants to keep these facts under wraps. When the news networks began reporting the names of those killed in the war I cried for the poor parents. But to have your child survive the war and come home so badly damaged mentally that the only way to take away the pain is suicide, must be beyond devastating. Even though I've been there to some degree, I cannot imagine how painful this new epidemic must be. Also the statistics show an alarming rise of suicides of children aged 10 to 15 with a greater rise for girls. It's bad enough that children join gangs and kill each other because of gang rivalries, but to turn to suicide at such young ages is a catastrophe. I just don't know how to deal with these … [Read more...]
A foot in the door
Life is always a series of choices. I had to make another one this weekend. But it was a good decision to have to make. I got a positive response from the one and only agent I queried, saying she would be happy to read my manuscript. And, I'm totally stoked! But, one of her conditions is that books she considers must not be under consideration by a publisher. Well, I submitted to a publisher way back in January and still haven't received any feedback. So, rather than gum up the works and have to explain all that to the agent, I decided to withdraw my book from their list of submissions -- unless, of course, they can give me an answer in the next week. I wonder how they'll react to that. In fact, I wonder if they've ever had that happen before. But, I'm sure I've made the right decision. In fact, now that I've looked at this publisher's books over the last years, my book is definitely not a fit. Now is the true test. Getting a foot in the door is great. Can I get a seat in the … [Read more...]
Read Eat Pray Love!
Sunday afternoon. I feel like I've been living the life of a sloth. I've done nothing much else but read and sleep and eat for the last three days and if I keep it up much longer I could definitely make it my way of life. I finally succumbed and started Eat Pray Love last week reading the first few pages while on the stairmaster at the gym. But on my off Friday I got through the Eat part and the next day got through the Pray part, and by the end of today I suspect I'll get through the Love part the fastest I've read through a book in about two years. It's good to know that I can still wolf a book down I used to do that all the time and at the same time, I wish I could savor what's in this book a bit longer. I love the writing it's very personal, and I love the telling of the adventures in each of Italy, India, and Indonesia. But most of all I'm jealous that I didn't have these kind of adventures as a young woman and write about them myself. It's not good enough for me to … [Read more...]
March morning
No Grudge Intended No work today and I begin with a walk just before the sun peeks over the roof tops. The spring ranunculus and clivia burst with open-mouth smiles, the old lady with the cane says a hearty hello, and the brawny guy on the round metal stilts struts at the end of the pier. I stop for a tea sip as I walk home and hope the bully at the gym who yelled and pointed his finger at me will get to enjoy this day. … [Read more...]
Is it enough already?
Weird and disturbing things have been happening at work. First I had two security infractions for taking my cell phone into a classified room - twice in one day. Then I couldn't unlock my office door my first thought was I had been locked out. Then I couldn't remember my password to get onto our classified system and another remote Livelink system - both on the same day. And I lost my badge. I've never lost my badge before. And I caught a cold being sick is almost unheard of for me. It's like the universe is telling me something. But, is it really my mind and body telling me it's enough already? I need a break a big long break - or else I can't guarantee what will happen next. Also, I've been working with a Paul look alike - also very disturbing. Here's a poem about it: The Look Alikes It happens all the time. A young guy with a brown book bag hanging across his chest crosses the street, another walks on the beach smoking a cigarette, and another sits stooped over a … [Read more...]
Aah the writing life
I spent last weekend at a writing workshop with 16 other woman and one man. It was close to home yet it felt like I really was away from it all. We heard lectures on the craft, examined some poems, wrote a little new stuff, and got wonderful, in-depth critiques on a poem each of us brought in. I've revised the poem I brought in for critique (I think it's much tighter now), and I plan to submit it to the over 60 women's anthology. Here it is: Ode to Old Women Walking The women walk arm in arm supporting each other on the cobble-stoned streets. Squat, stout with veiny legs and thick ankles, they wear flat sandals, showing jagged toenails, or wide oxfords and thick hose. Some walk slowly clutching their partner's arms for balance. Their hair is short and bleached, perfectly coifed. Their suits have skirts always below their knees. As they walk they talk almost in whispers solving the world's problems or deciding what they'll cook for dinner. Wearing their … [Read more...]
The never-ending bucket list revision
About my bucket list. I just looked at my earlier bucket list blog entries to revisit what I've put down so far. Though I don't have a lot of travel destinations on it, I need to add two more trips: Israel and Egypt and India and the Taj Mahal. Other than that I feel like I'm traveled out. I've done so much traveling already. I like to be at home. It was such a pleasure to spend time at home and around Manhattan Beach over this past weekend. I live in a traveler's destination point. I don't need to go far from here to be just fine. If I can travel to all the destinations on my list and take small trips to see family and friends, I'll feel complete. Besides Bob has some other destinations on his list. I'll go to the places he wants to see; he'll go to the places on my list. That should keep us busy for quite some time. … [Read more...]
A spot update
Instead of resorting to another evil laser treatment or a peel I went to my trusted dermatologist for the ultimate spot removal. Besides an overall skin check (negative) and forehead botox injections (for pure vanity), she zapped two of my largest brown spots with liquid nitrogen. Now, I'll have huge scabs on my right cheek for the next week or so, but at least those spots are finally taken care of (I hope). I have to keep my fingers crossed that the treatment won't make those spots even darker and that looking a mess for the next week or so will be worth it. Of course I'll keep you posted on the outcome.... … [Read more...]
Beverly Hot Springs — try it, you’ll like it!
Yesterday I had a wonderful time with my beautiful adopted daughter, Elizabeth. She introduced me to the Beverly Hot Springs on Beverly Boulevard just east of Western. This facility, besides its natural hot springs, offers Japanese style body scrubs and polishes and both Shiatsu and Swedish massages. We both booked the scrubs and Shiatsus and spent some time just languishing in the hot pool with lots of other naked women. Afterward we had lunch at a Vegan restaurant on La Cienega called Real Food Daily a perfect way to end such an envigorating and cleansing experience. So a little bit first about the scrub. An Asian woman I think Japanese dressed in a black bra top, short tights and flip flops called me out of the hot bath to follow her into the scrub room that contained a row of plastic narrow beds. She told me to lie face down and covered my entire naked body and head except one leg with hot wet towels. With a loofa and some kind of soap she began scrubbing that leg hard and … [Read more...]
