Our job is to love the unlovable

The Calm meditation leader said loving the unlovable doesn’t mean sentimental love. It means loving someone or something that we don’t even know and perhaps don’t even want to know. So I looked around my mind and the only one I could think of is Donald Trump. He is the most unlovable person I can think of, and there is no way I want to try to love him. Unsentimental  or sentimental, he doesn’t evoke any love from me whatsoever. It’s a shame that one person could be so despicable in his words, deeds, crimes, appearance – the list goes on and on – that I consider him to be below unlovable.

So I need to let him go and think some more to find an unlovable character to love. Maybe my ex-husband. He was a real piece of work. He didn’t know how to be husband. He would rather go out drinking and play pool with his boyfriends than spend time with me. And before we were divorced I found more of his bad habits. He stored a gun in his bottom dresser drawer and bags of pot in the drawer above it. Why didn’t I know about that stuff? No wonder he didn’t care that I miscarried our baby. No wonder he didn’t care that our niece was born weighing two pound eleven ounces. When I finally figured all that out instead of loving him and trying to fix him, I just left. He was unlovable. I didn’t want to spend time trying to love him.

So I went back to looking for someone else. Maybe my high school classmate who wouldn’t take me to the prom because I am Jewish. He actually did take me out a few times, but when it came to the big prom night, he took a nice Christian girl – one of the many at my school he could choose from. They all hung together and included the Jewish girls at their gatherings very, very seldom. For sure he could rationalize that I didn’t belong at the prom with precious him. I was better off at home alone watching television. (That’s our New Trier High School below!)

Funny, when I saw him years later at a reunion, he apologized for not taking me to the prom. Did I get a hint that he was trying to get me in bed when he said that? Did I get the hint that he was making himself as unlovable as a grownup as he was in school. The apology didn’t work. I had no way to ever love that guy either.

So, with those three examples, I couldn’t find one I thought unlovable enough to love. Maybe I should go back to number one – the horrible Trump guy. At least he works hard to get that label. And it will never go away.

Speak Your Mind