The big news is that I’m getting my house ready to sell. I decided last month that I need to move out of the house I shared with Bob for over forty-two years. It’s just too big and lonely and filled with all the memories of the years we spent here with each other and our boys. It’s time to start anew. And to live where I can meet some other people – I’m thinking a senior independent living community. I cannot stand how lonely my life is now.
So the scary part is, the house will go up for sale at the end of this week. And I worry that no one else will love it as much as I do and will not want to buy it. I’ll keep you posted on that.
But I’m sure you know, I’m still writing my daily poem. Here are some new ones. Remember they are only drafts that get written in no more than ten minutes or so. Someday, I’ll revisit them when/if I decide to publish another chapbook. Enjoy!
I find myself
Talking about “we”
And “our” lately.
I can’t let go
Of him even
In small conversations.
He’s always with me.
It’s not that I care
About that.
It’s not that
I ever want him
Out of my life.
It’s just that
I cannot move on
Without him
If I continually think
Of him as the other
Part of me.
Well it’s no wonder
We were together
For over fifty years
How does one sever
A relationship like that?
How does one dump
The man who was
The love of my life?
****
I’m eating well
And enough. I do
The three meals a day thing
But mostly I eat
The same things over and over
A high protein bar and yogurt
With fruit in the morning
Unless I swerve over to
My used-to-be favorite
Peanut butter on bread
Or an apple.
For lunch I usually eat
A Trader Joes’ ready made
Salad. I like the one with
Chicken, cranberries, slaw
And kale. I usually buy three
Of those plus a couple
Of outliers for the week.
But then I can’t resist
The chicken salad Gelson’s makes
So I switch over to that as well.
Dinner is another story.
It’s usually already cooked
Grilled salmon with asparagus
And a Thai pasta salad,
or I eat a chicken thigh
With the same sides,
Or something from the freezer.
I’ve just discovered 130 calories
Lean Cuisine Bowls and really
Those aren’t too bad.
They are just enough for me.
That’s it. week in, week out.
At least it helps
Keep my weight steady
Between ninety-five and ninety-six.
I’m not falling away
To nothing anymore.
****
I’ve been cleaning out the clutter
Trying to make my house
Look like the buyer’s house
Rather than mine.
I took away all my family pictures
From the family room
And my bedroom,
Stuffing them into
Empty armoire drawers.
The spaces look a little bare
But they will hide
My hominess: Ben’s wedding photo,
Bob and I with George H.W. Bush
And Bill Clinton, Bob’s brother,
And all the great nieces
And nephews.
I hate hiding them away
But promise to get them
Out again once I sell this house
And I’m in my new place.
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