Dr. Shoshanna discusses how to end loneliness

Choices is pleased to host Dr. Brenda  Shoshanna on her WOW! Women on Writing book tour of  The Unshakeable Road to Love (Value Centered Relationships). Dr. Shoshanna has also honored us with a guest post about how to end loneliness.

Here’s Dr. Shoshanna:


                                        THE END OF LONELINESS

                                               by Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.d.

Living as Strangers to Ourselves and Others  

So many of us live as strangers to ourselves and others, then we wonder why we feel so alone. Rather than communicate truly we hide our true thoughts, speak in riddles, give double messages and think we’ve had a conversation. But we haven’t. It is also rare to truly listen. Most of the time we pay most attention to our own thoughts and responses to what is being said.

These kinds of conversations block out what is really being said. They create conflict, power struggles, disappointment,  and we end up seeing ourselves as separate and alone. And all the time we are longing to know and to be known.

So few know how to speak their truths, let alone how to listen. And yet nothing else is needed for a release from the loneliness and the estrangement that grips us all. And nothing more is needed in order to be able to give and receive the love waiting for us.

Martin Buber describes the world of monologue and dialogue. When we are engaged in monologue, although we seem to speaking to others, we are engaged only with ourselves. In the world of dialogue, we are able to include the other, be there for them, to truly listen. We are able to allow the other to be who they are. Loneliness arises from separating ourselves from others, refusing to let them in.

PRACTICE: Learn to Listen and Let the World In

  1. When someone is talking to you, stop paying attention to the comments going on in your mind. Just focus upon them, what they are trying to say to you.
  2. Grant the other the right to be who they are. Forget about yourself for a few moments and be there fully for them.  

When you do that, where can loneliness stand?

The World of Dialogue

When we are able to fully listen and hear, to be there for others, the entire world opens up. We are able then not only to hear, but to truly respond. We honor the other’s experience, do not demand that the person fits into a preconceived image or speak in a certain kind of way.

Where can we find strangers then? How can we be a stranger to ourselves?

Brenda Shoshanna offers talks and workshops based upon the book. She can be contacted at topspeaker@yahoo.com. Visit her blog at www.turnthepage.live


Book Summary

The Unshakeable Road to Love (Value Centered Relationships) is based upon Eternal Principles from all world scriptures, including Zen. These tried and true Eternal Principles, the Pillars of Love, show how to build foundations for relationships where happiness and well-being are inevitable. And where pain and conflict can dissolve on the spot.

A radically different approach to love and psychology, the book offers a completely new perspective on fulfillment and what is truly needed to thrive. For example, one of the Pillars of Love upon which the book is based is:

To Be Happy, You Do Not Have To Be Loved, You Have to Learn What It Means to Be Loving.

The book explores the difference between Real and Counterfeit Love. We discover how all suffering in relationships is due to being caught in the trap of Counterfeit Love. And how easy it is to break free from bondage and leave that trap behind.

This is a book of practice, filled with Turning Points, Pillars of Love, Interventions, and many enjoyable exercises so the reader can practice these principles in all their relationships and in their everyday lives.

Written by a psychologist, Interfaith Counselor, and long-term Zen practitioner, the book combines the practices and principles of both East and West, helping us to discover and celebrate the best in ourselves and others.

Publisher: Brenda Shoshanna (October 2022)

ISBN-10: 1094378046

ISBN-13: 978-1094378046

Print length: 208 pages

Purchase a copy of The Unshakeable Road to Love on Amazon or Barnes and Noble. You can also add this to your GoodReads reading list.


About the Author

Brenda Shoshanna is an award-winning author, psychologist, Interfaith counselor, and long-term Zen practitioner and speaker. Her work is dedicated to integrating the teachings of East and West and making them real in our everyday lives. Brenda has offered over five hundred talks and workshops on all aspects of personal and spiritual development, relationships, and living an authentic, meaningful life.

You can find her online at:

Author Website: http://www.brendashoshanna.com

Book Website: https://www.totalrelationshipsnow.com/

Her Plays: https://www.allmyplays.com/

Her Podcast: https://www.zenwisdomtoday.com/

Her Blog: https://www.turnthepage.live


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